A New Beginning…

…and I arrived at this new beginning by being willing to change.

If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your  attitude~~Maya Angelou.

For at least 12 years, I have been trying to be a loser–a weight loser.  I have run the gamut, stopping just short of gimmicks or other things detrimental to my health.

I have failed.

Those three words are not words I string together very often–I’m a writer–so I know I do not put them together.  But, they are real and it is time I faced them.

I remember very clearly lamenting on some message board a few years back that the rules of weight loss seem to not apply to my body.  Some smartass started railing on me about it.  He even went so far as to call me crazy and tell me I did not deserve to be skinny because I was too stupid to understand how my body works.

Oh hell nooooooooo!!!!

The truth is I do understand my body and the rules of weight loss and that is precisely how I know with 100-percent confidence that something is broken beyond the PCOS and Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis I already know about.  Those two conditions alone make losing weight a challenge.

Wait?  What do ovaries and thyroid have to do with one’s ability to lose weight?  Just everything, that’s all.

Let me explain as briefly as possible.

Both the ovaries and the thyroid are responsible for hormone production.  In fact, the thyroid is the control center for the whole body.  If either of these are not humming along at optimal levels, the body does not know how to regulate itself.  Either can inhibit one’s ability to lose weight.

Lucky me, I have both.  Yay!

However, there are ways to regulate both so the body is no longer confused.

Somehow, my body managed to miss that memo because all of my hormones are optimized.

In 2012 I started watching Live Big with Ali Vincent, the first woman to win The Biggest Loser.  From this program I noticed she wears a curious device on her arm.  So I did a search and found it is called a BodyBugg and it measures your every move and estimates your metabolic rate.  I was even more intrigued to find it had been clinically proven to be accurate.  I am a bit of a research junkie so I love data.  I also wanted something to show my doctor so he could better help me fix whatever is broken.

SOLD!

BodyBugg revealed something surprising.  My hormonally challenged body actually has a MONSTER metabolism!

What the hell!!!!!!!

There were multiple days a month my body was burning 3000 calories a day!

What?????  The?????  Hell????

You know I might have believe this device was bunk except I bought one for my husband too so I could see his results and compare them with my own.  This Bugg is cool!

But, it also became a torture device.

As I learned about my monster metabolism and weighed and measured every morsel I put in my body, and watched hopelessly as the weight stayed and even increased, I was crushed.  Now my computer was telling me–just like the doctors have been–that I’m not being honest about what I am eating.

Bullshit!!!

Thankfully, I was going through the experience with my husband so he could verify that every time I put food in my mouth I haul out cups and spoons and a food scale.  “Honey, you’re not crazy–this is messed up.”

When my initial six month subscription ended I did not renew, not because failings of the device, but because it had become negative reinforcement.

My body failed.

AGAIN!

During a doctor’s appointment in the BodyBugg period and when I was ranting about my thyroid, my doctor suggested maybe it was time to talk about weight loss surgery.

I left his office in tears.

He was not listening.

I almost never went back to him.

I was so mad.

FURIOUS!

So I kept using my Bugg and spent the next several months fuming.

I thought my prayers were answered when a thyroid specialist came to town offering a free consultation.  Though I do admit I waivered for awhile.

Emotionally, I could not be disappointed again.

Finally, I set the appointment and for the first time a doctor did not think I was crazy.  He ordered a full workup–even though I have had hypothyroidism for nearly 20 years I have never had a full thyroid panel.  The results were astonishing.  My body IS broken and beating up my thyroid.  Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis is an autoimmune disease.

Let me just say I have been screaming for this test for YEARS!

Vindicated!

And now for the bad news….the doctor is not covered by my insurance, the six month treatment protocol is $8,000 out-of-pocket, and we cannot afford it.

It was like being in a car accident when everything is moving in slow motion and then the force of the impact hits you.

Well, I’ve used one swear word already so I’ll save you from reading more but please insert whatever expletive you use.

&*$%&$*%#$^%&*$&%^*@&^#*$^#*&$^^#(*&$^#*&$%^&#^%$&^%$&*#@^$&#^

Back to my regular doctor.

It has been six months since all of that happened.

My thyroid levels are back to normal.  Though my doctor and I are disagreeing on the right reference level but I am still stuck.

“Your body is just one that would survive the Apocalypse,” my doc said.

“For whatever reason, this is your lot…and I do not envy you one bit,” the trim and a touch handsome physician said.

And that is when the tears started.

I spent an hour with him that day–May 14, 2013.

We arrived at the frustrating conclusion that I am one of the “lucky” ones with what is now being called “diet resistant obesity.”

I learned about the term just a few days before that appointment and even emailed my doctor all the information.

When you can honestly say you have done everything and your doctor agrees, in his words, “the most logical and rational thing you can do” is agree to weight loss surgery.

The moment I did….I felt EMPOWERED!

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2 thoughts on “A New Beginning…

  1. Hi I was very interested in your blog…did you end up having the sleeve?? I too have all the things you have so im very curious of the outcome:))

    • Hi Marie, First, thanks for reading! To answer your question, for now my surgery is on hold. I did start following a diet and the sleeve “rules” to prepare and I started losing weight so I decided to slow down and see what my body will do. My Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis hasn’t even been diagnosed a year and my dr and I are disagreeing on my levels. There’s no endo in my area so I don’t have a specialist to fall back on. However, in the meantime I have learned of other Hashi’s and hypothyroid patients who are STILL struggling to lose even with the sleeve so I am glad I took a step back. Surgery is such a drastic step and I know if it would not override my thyroid I would be emotionally devastated. Both my DO (my pcp) and the surgeon I consulted with assured me surgery is the “only” way to override my thyroid but when my levels are not in line with the latest research my question has to be “Shouldn’t we focus on getting my body burning first?” I haven’t been back to either of them yet since I put the brakes on so it’s going to be interesting to see what they have to say. I do know I’ll have to start the whole four month pre-op process over again but I really do not mind. But, my body is agreeing to lose weight–at a slow pace–so it’s a good thing. I haven’t officially crossed surgery off the list but I really feel like the timing is wrong/bad. I hope you keep reading. I have an exciting announcement coming soon.

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