Just a Little Taste

food on a forkLast night quite by accident I think I managed to get a taste of what the sleeved life is going to feel like.

I planned an amazing barbecue as part of our Fourth of July celebration. On the menu: hobo packs of potatoes, red bell peppers, and white onions; salt and pepper zucchini, elk steaks for me and my hubs and beef steaks for the boys (who were supposed to have been gone or they would have had elk steaks too).  We grill with this great real mesquite wood charcoal which imparts a deep smokiness to everything. It’s really out of this world!

As we sat down to eat I noticed I didn’t feel incredibly hungry.  Honestly my first few bites were non-sleeve friendly and then I started to remember what I was preparing to do to my life and to my body.  I read somewhere that sleeved bites should be about the size of a pencil eraser.  I won’t lie when I read it was seriously concerned about my ability to be successful — for just a few moments.

Right now I am six weeks or so pre-op sitting there taking tiny bites.  I even understand why some doctors recommend using children’s utensils because it feels awkward to have such a tiny bite on such a large fork.  Perhaps if I can find utensils without cartoon characters I will buy some. In the meantime, I’m glad I am practicing now.

I was feeling really good about remembering all the things I’ve read. I was even putting my fork down while I chewed slowly and carefully. I did not put my drink on the table so I wouldn’t be tempted — honestly this is really hard for me so it’s a good thing I’m practicing this now too.  Where I live we have been consistently in the triple digits for almost 2 months already so being without liquid for even in hour his brutal.

As I was mentally patting myself on the back, I was also really enjoying the company of my husband and two of my sons.

And then it happened this plateful of smoky, wonderful, delicious food was not to be finished. I was legitimately and disappointingly full.

Oh I could’ve eaten more but I would’ve regretted it and I’m proud of myself for knowing that and I am hoping it’s one of the things that will help me be successful later. I couldn’t help but think this must be what it feels like and what it’s going to feel like for the rest of my life. and as As tempting as those barbecued morsels were in an uncharacteristic move I was okay with letting them be leftovers.  This is really big for me.  As a general rule , I am not a fan of leftovers — granted this was also a special treat of elk steak but still un-me.

It feels good to be on the path of un-me.


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