Today I checked in at my primary doctor’s office with my lowest weight in just over a year!
As I took the time to backtrack through my more than a decade of records to figure that out, some weight goals started coming into mind.
Today I am 271 pounds. As much as I hate that number, I am confident today is the last day I am ever going to see it.
In the interest of full disclosure, I did drop below it two days ago but as is typical I bounced slightly above it the very next day.
However, once I stay below 271 I will be wearing my lowest weight since 7 April 2011. And you know what, that is the last time I am going to see all those numbers on the way down.
And there is where I found some inspiration for my weight loss goals.
I have decided to celebrate each milestone on my way to shrinking below any weight I have recorded in the past 12 years.
The lowest weight on my past journey was 212.5 on 24 October 2005. This also happens to be the lowest weight I can positively identify since I became an adult. I do know after the birth of my first son, over 25 years ago, I was under 200 but I do not remember an exact weight. I may even have stayed under 200 until son number two but I absolutely know I have not been under since he was born almost 22-years ago.
None of this brings me closer to identifying a “goal weight” and I am still okay with not having one at this time. What this does allow me to do is enjoying and celebrating each of these numbers on the way down. Because of all my past failures, I really feel I need to acknowledge I have managed to reach those numbers on my own while celebrating reaching them again and making the commitment to myself that I will never see them again.
Tuesday night I was watching Extreme Weight Loss and something Chris Powell said really smacked me upside the head, “This is more than just turning numbers…This is about having integrity along the way.”
I know me well enough to know that if I make this journey all about the numbers it won’t take long for me to end up in serious trouble. I know that because I had set myself a mini-goal to be under 270 today for my doctor’s appointment. I caught myself tipping over to the dark side of calorie restriction to try to banish the last pound from the scale. I recognized an old pattern immediately and put a stop to it just as fast.
When I started my weight loss journey in 2002, I used to say I really just wanted to be under 200 pounds and if I could find 175 I would be thrilled but most of all I wanted to live through the journey with grace.
I determined I would not fall back on old and dangerous habits to achieve a healthy weight. Most of all, I really wanted to know I was losing the “healthy” way. I held up my end of the deal. My body for whatever reason just did not get on board so here I am about to give my body the one tool it has never had, a vertical sleeve gastrectomy.
I guess you could even say today I had a non-scale victory too because I realize not much has changed. I am still the same skinny-girl on the inside who really wants her outside to match how she feels about life.
I still want to be under 200 pounds and I still think 175 would be a fine number. If this tool makes my body work in such a way that I can weigh less than 175 then I will worry about that when that time comes.
Right now, my tummy is telling me it is past time for a protein shake.
With grace, I will shrink.