I Have Made A Decision

It has been a long, hard, emotional battle to come to this decision but as long as my own weight loss efforts are working weight loss surgery is on hold.

Whew…that is a scary sentence to type.

Surgery is such a drastic step and one I have always believed it should be a last resort.  I thought I was at that last resort but I guess my body has other plans.

For years, I have been learning to listen to my body.  I encourage others to learn all the way their bodies speak to them and how to listen for those subtle cues so I have to listen to my body now.  I could not in good consciousness go through with surgery when my body is willing to lose.  I just can’t.

Honestly, I am a bit disappointed.

Weight loss surgery holds a wonderful promise that if you work the tool, the tool will work for you–and quickly.  The thought of being near or even under 200 pounds by my birthday is tempting.  But when I really take a step back it is purely the speed that is tempting.

Weight loss surgery is work.  Different work that losing without it but still work.  It is not a magic wand.  It is not the easy way either–just as losing without surgery is not the “hard” way.

It has taken a lot of effort to come to the realization I am disappointed.

So why not just go ahead with the surgery?

Excellent question!

The answer is complex.  I am not even sure I can fully articulate it.  However, I absolutely know without a doubt that if I do not let this run its course I will always wonder if I could have done it on my own.  I need to know I have failed before any of this is going to be okay with me.

When I first talked to my husband about surgery he listened patiently and then asked me just one question: “Have you done everything you could?”  My answer was clear, confident and passionate.  If he were to ask me that same question, right now I cannot honestly say I have done everything because for whatever wacky reason what I am doing now is working.

For now, I have taken to doing what I do best–trying to give others hope to try just one more time.  So many people with fibromyalgia have gained weight because of medications and the new limits on our bodies make traditional exercise difficult at best.  For now, I am reaching out to those people and cheering about this too.  Maybe I just need to be that person who manages to lose with fibro so someone else doesn’t give up.  I don’t know.  But for now, I am doing all those little things that are inching the scale in the right direction.

My one month results: 9.2 pounds and 15.5 inches.

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