Tanya vs. her body…it’s the last round does she have what it takes to run through a goal instead of giving in, or giving up?
Weight goals have been extreme sources of frustration in the past. By nature, I am a goal setter. I like to reach for things and I absolutely love doing the impossible. But with a body that has not always cooperated with my desire to lose weight, weight goals have often left me in tears and feeling helpless.
Back in June I decided if this weight loss thing wasn’t going to work then I was “giving in” to weight loss surgery. I also started this blog because I found blogging has really helped me to be honest with myself in a way few things have. There is something primal about splaying my life out for perfect strangers to read that keeps me focused in moments of weakness.
In July, I found groups for the surgery I wanted and started doing what they do but with a few extra calories and POOF the weight started melting off.
“Whatever, body, you crazy!”
But in July I also set a goal to lose 12.4 pounds by 1 September.
In July, I thought it was ridiculous and impossible and would “prove” that surgery was my only option.
Today I am 2.4 pounds from making my goal PLUS I’ve lost over 15 inches.
Honestly, it has left me a weeping, swearing, and even angry mess of a human being.
Because my body, crazy as she is has decided it is now okay to lose weight.
*insert dramatic sigh and eye roll*
“Seriously body, after all this time and after all we have been through together YOU pick now to lose weight?????????!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“&($@#*$($*#@$&@#*$(^#$^#)&$^@#*&$(*#@&$ Are you kidding me???????”
If you have been following along, you know my decision to postpone surgery was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made in my life. I have put less thought into divorcing an ex-husband. Of course he had shown me that divorce was the clear option.
This decision was different. Surgery or good old-fashioned calorie counting will inspire weight loss… But the question for me was, is, and forever will be, “will it work for me this time?”
Me being me I have to answer that question.
So here I am two days away from what I thought was ridiculous and impossible.
I may not be able to drop 2.4 pounds by Thursday BUT this is the closest I have EVER….in 12 years of setting weight loss goals….come to reaching a goal.
Now I can let my head, and the analytical side of my brain go completely insane trying to figure this out.
“Why is this working?”
And it would drive me completely insane promise you!
I can throw that past away, go another round, and at least know I arrived prepared to win!!!
Weight goals usually have been reminders than no matter what I do or how hard I try my body just won’t cooperate and they leave me in tears and/or sad and depressed.
Today, I am pumped.
I may not be able to lose 2.4 pounds by Thursday but you damned well better believe that I am going down swinging.
Thanks to the completely awesome Chris Powell I found carb cycling during my journey so I am turbo-ing through this goal.
The only way I am, can, and will be happy is if I arrive on that day knowing I gave it my all.
Since I talked about blogging helping me to be honest with myself in a way I never have, I need to confess the last couple weeks have been hard.
The old script of, “you are never gonna make it,” and “your body’s going to fail again,” have been running on a continuous loop.
The fact we had a major financial speed bump which left me with literally not enough extra gas money to drive from my house to the gym hasn’t helped. I have been exercising at home but as you know it is not the same as going to the gym BUT I have been doing it.
Limited income has also made it harder to have a fridge and pantry full of all the foods I know help inspire my body to lose weight. It is not an excuse and it is not a reason but it is the absolute truth. I can honestly say that at least 75% of the time I made the best food choice I could.
And then there were potatoes.
I am not one of these people who thinks potatoes are the weight loss villain. Potatoes are a wonderful food full of essential vitamins minerals and fiber. But, on a day when you are “supposed” to be eating lower carbs and I give into the potato, as good as it is, this is a bad choice.
*raises hand* If I do not make this particular weight loss goal, and I am honest… This time I can look back at my diet and say there were a few too many potatoes in moments when there should not have been any.
I am owning it AND I am learning from it.
The mental monster of making great choices all the time is as, and often, more important than the food you put in your mouth and the way you move your body. And if I and you can conquer that we seriously can do anything!
However, on top of that there has been this weird pattern emerge that even though I have had a hysterectomy I still have these goofy female hormonal fluctuations and get stuck about the same time every month.
Today, I can look back and call that a perfect storm or even a recipe for disaster and as tough as I can be on myself about it all the truth is I made the choice to listen to those negative voices and get caught up in circumstance.
That is exactly one of the things that I need to overcome on this journey.
I do not have control over those “life happens” moments but I absolutely can and must control my response. We were not starving. I did not “have” to eat the potato to survive. If I did, that would be a different story.
One of the things I know from teaching myself to THRIVE as fibromyalgia patient is the importance of dealing with what is real and not allowing myself to get tangled up in the what ifs and maybes.
Over the course of the last couple days as the emotional, hormonal, and financial clouds have parted, the fighter in me is back in the center of the ring and ready for this final round.
Here is my plan with a little baseball analogy for reference.
In baseball, the batter is always encouraged to run through the base. If you are not familiar with baseball what that means is you do not see the other players making a play on your ball and assuming you are good to be out at first base and stop running halfway. You assume the error is going to be made and you run through the base. You run like you are gonna win. Because baseball is a game of errors and sometimes you do win!
So what is the baseball of losing weight?
Do not give up!
What does that look like?
It looks a lot like Chris Powell’s Turbo Cycling and little like this…
Setting timers to make sure I am eating every three hours.
Drinking with a straw to help gulp down the water.
Looking up the carb counts of single veggie in my house.
Choosing the lowest carb options to go with the leanest proteins.
(carb cycling can be found here: http://chrispowell.com/carb-cycling-101/ )
Of course, it also means I am moving my body and adjusting my mind to bring the possibility of success full circle.
I am a measly 2.4 pounds away.
My gloves are on and I am swinging!