Ugly day in my world yesterday and while I was powerless to control any of it….I did successfully manage to NOT scarf the giant bowl of steaming hot oatmeal calling my name at 3 a.m.
I also did not eat ice cream, Doritos, or chocolate (if I’d had some I might not have been so strong to be honest).
I’m not a big emotional eater but at 3 a.m. I absolutely did want the comfort of oatmeal but because I was highly emotional I also knew how dangerous it would be to give in to the temptation to comfort that pain with food.
As of this morning the water weight that has been lingering and conspiring to make me grumpy is almost gone but would it have been if there had been oatmeal, probably not.
Yesterday was an emotional failure of epic proportions but I stayed in control of the spoon…the ultimate non-scale victory.
But the journey does not end there.
Today I will treat my body with extra gentle respect as emotions are raw. She needs healthy food right now to help manage both the emotions of a huge family-wide blowout and the fibro-pain-response that only comes with such an event. This poor girl needs my love and compassion.
It’s almost 11 a.m. and my day has not reached the point it normally would at 7 a.m.
Is that reason enough to throw in the towel or behave badly?
Now is the time to gather up all the pain and vulnerability, all the loss and uncertainty and use it to lift me higher.
It is heavy and it is hard.
But if on this journey every time shit happens, if I use that as an excuse to not do the things I know are best for me then I am just sabotaging myself, my dreams, my goals.
That ain’t how this chick rolls.
I am counting my victory and sharing it because harder than losing a pound, harder than losing an inch is losing the temptation to say “I deserve this emotion/chocolate/bowl of steaming hot oatmeal (my ultimate comfort food)” and then use that as an excuse to not look beyond the present moment of ickiness and toward the future I want absolutely more than oatmeal.
I love my goals enough to stick to them.
I love me enough to recognize this raw moment for what it is.
I love me enough to hold on.
I love me enough to respond with all the grace and compassion I would give my best friend or a perfect stranger in the same circumstance.
I love me.