A Little Thinking Goes A Long Way, CI#17

Whew!  I have been one busy girl today!  A lot of my busy has been “mom duties” so I have also had plenty of time to think about yesterday.  I realize I put myself out of balance for very good reasons.  I thought I was making good choices but I never fully explored the effects they were having.  After yesterday, it is abundantly clear to me I need to help myself see my success.

I already keep a running tally of the pounds I am losing but it is obviously ineffective.

I already record my measurements but that too is not enough.

I have tried putting marbles in jars each time I lose a pound but with how slow I lose it tends to serve as a reminder of that more than a reinforcement of my progress.

I have tried setting goals with rewards at the end but again it takes sooooooooooooooooooooooooo long I end up being frustrated more than motivated.

Quite by accident I learned the vents on my fireplace show a dramatic change from my 2012 birthday to last year.  I had only lost about 15 pounds by that point but visually there was a huge difference in my shape.  As I started thinking about how I did not see those changes either.

I have a dress I try on from time to time.  It’s this dress.  There is zero give to the fabric so it either fits or it doesn’t.

This was nearly four months to the day before I started Lyrica and Cymbalta.  The 15.2 pounds I gained in 15 days put me out of this dress in no time....and I am taking it back!  I am SO glad I kept it.

This was nearly four months to the day before I started Lyrica and Cymbalta. The 15.2 pounds I gained in 15 days put me out of this dress in no time….and I am taking it back!

This is what I looked like about six months after fibro hit me.  Finding this dress was one of those “SQUEEE” moments so I couldn’t bear to let this dress go when I was giving away my “skinny” clothes.  One of my goals is to be able to wear it again……with a shorter hem 🙂  So it is good to try it on from time to time but again because I lose sooooooooooooooooooooooooo slowly it is hard to gauge my progress.

One of the things I have learned since fibro found me is how visual I have become.

As all of these thoughts were churning in my head, it hit me.

Slingshot week happens every fourth or fifth week.  It is already built into my plan so it is a good opportunity for reflection on the past few weeks.  However, I need to take myself out of my head and into the dressing room.  I need to try on the next size jeans and the next smallest top and just stand there and see myself.  From now on each slingshot week is also celebration week.

Yes, I have already considered this could backfire if I haven’t shrunk enough to wear them comfortably.  Like trying on this dress that will probably take another 25 or so pounds to actually wear it isn’t about bringing new clothes home as much as it is about seeing those inches and pounds disappearing.

The jeans I brought home yesterday would not button a few days before my birthday in December.  I remember it.  Yesterday, those same jeans helped me recognize how far I have come.  Honestly, as the fabric hugged a couple of stubborn spots I even noticed how far I have to go.

Past.

Present.

Future.

All at the same time and with all the drama appropriate to any transformation.

Weight loss IS drama-inducing and weight loss with fibro is not quite the tragedy I expected it to be.

I’m an expert at asking “What if it won’t fit?”

And a total failure at letting myself wonder, “What if it does…and it looks good…and it’s on sale….and I have enough money to buy it?”

Progress….I have to see it AND be okay if it is slow AND still make myself celebrate it anyway.

In December those jeans went back on the shelf.  Since then, I snorted, “Stupid jeans,”  as I cruised past them.  Today, they are hugging my hips.  It’s good!

For the month of January, I have LOST (as of Saturday, 25 January):

3.2 POUNDS!!!!
6.5 INCHES!!!!!  OMGOSH…WHAT????…I NEVER WOULD HAVE KNOWN HAD I NOT DECIDED TO ADD THEM UP…WOW

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