I had this awesome blog and video planned for today. It was supposed to be a “You are what you eat,” type of post about the importance of making good food choices when you are trying to lose weight.
My hubs and I got in a bit of a heated conversation that ended with me saying, “I am trying to make you understand what goes on inside and all you are doing is telling me you wouldn’t feel that way…so I’m done talking.”
For those of you who do not know my relationship with my hubs, it is awesome. He is awesome. And into every bit of awesome a little bit of butthead must fall. For all his awesomeness, for all our awesomeness sometimes we just aren’t reaching each other. It was not a fight. It was a passionate discussion of me trying to use parallels in his own life to help him understand how hard this journey is for me. I did not succeed…yet.
At issue, is my frustration of dealing with a challenging body.
I told him I used to think, “I used to wish I could just be normal and lose a pound a week…and now I lose almost a pound a week and I am still not happy and I already know that is a huge red flag but that is not even it…I feel helpless to do anything about the things that are broken….I know I could do better if I could fix those things.”
Now, I know full well and I am totally honest there are multiple issues in that one sentence and the more I tried to explain them the less I seemed to be getting through. No matter what he said he countered with, “But I wouldn’t feel that way.” I told him that was a huge pile of BS. He injured his knee almost six weeks ago and he’s been a sad, moping mess who started sleeping half the day away because he was “bored.” Even though that knee has already been reconstructed it will heal. He will go back to where he was before he hurt it. These weeks will be a speed bump.
Nothing I ever do….EVER….in the history of ever….is going to take away Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis, Polycystic Ovarian Disease, fibromyalgia, or my IN-operable knee problem–and for that one until I slim down my fat thighs there is no brace large enough to add stability and decrease pain. Yeah, how’s that for irony. I cannot use a tool to help that knee until I lose weight while being saddled with things that make that very prospect frustrating.
I talked about how hard it is to have a spirit ready to soar, to have everything inside of me chomping at the prospect of change—except those things that do not function properly.
The more I explained the more he countered with some version of how he would not feel that way in my shoes.
Really, dude? Then why when you could not go to work did I work extra hard at keeping you entertained and happy because you could not do what you wanted to do?????????????????
Food is a huge part of losing weight but the real success is conquering the goofy mind games you–and others–will play along the way.
Here’s another part of my truth not in my #GiveIt100 video…today….up until the moment we had this conversation and excusing the few hours a migraine held me hostage–thank God for migraine meds–I had a good day. I did have a good day, damnit. I also discovered a store brand of Greek yogurt that is okay…it’s no Fage but then again nothing is but it is good enough for 89 cents with 100 calories and 18g of protein. And the truth is I would not have gone to that store and made that discovery if that same frustrating man hadn’t asked me to go take a ride with him.
Men….you can’t live with ’em……..when you cannot talk to them…lol….It never feels good when someone in your support system is not being supportive. I promise no matter how awesome the people in your life are there are just going to be those moments when things are not going as well as they should be.
My best advice:
Get great at riding the storm.
Know your goals.
Avoid using your body and food as weapons.
Avoid the temptation insist on forcing someone to understand when they are just not ready to look through your eyes.
Allow everyone time to cool off. (You’d be amazed at how many times he comes back later and apologizes and how that leaves him open to ‘getting’ it).
Give up the need to be right.
Stay willing to bring the issue up again if it is something you “need” and if not drop it.
Whew this transformation shit is hard work. Good thing I don’t mind.