I am going to keep the numbers Give It 100 is using. Trying to deal with both, especially right now, is too overwhelming for my lil’ brain.
Muah. I’m three minutes late to bed as it is.
I am going to keep the numbers Give It 100 is using. Trying to deal with both, especially right now, is too overwhelming for my lil’ brain.
Muah. I’m three minutes late to bed as it is.
Now, if you read yesterday you might have caught a little tip-off to this week’s results reveal.
These results in the context of that information just really make me stop and wonder. If you’ve been following at all, you know I’m plagued with frustratingly slow weight loss. Of course, when my body picks up the pace I pay attention. Not only do I pay attention I start putting every detail under the microscope, so to speak, to figure out a pattern so I can repeat it. Like I said yesterday, I have never stumbled upon the “it” to replicate so I have been at the whim of a body I have failed to understand.
No, I am not saying I am a failure. I’m only saying I have never found the right thing to do over and over again. I’m me so I have also never given up and yesterday I potentially stumbled on that it. If you’re not following along, go read yesterday’s post because it is more than I can explain again concisely.
So no more teasing, here’s this week’s BEST WEEK EVER results:
If I count the “fake” weight I lost…..THREE POUNDS THIS WEEK.
If I do not count the “fake” weight I have lost…. 0.8 pounds this week.
Either way, it is well above “my normal.”
Fake weight is the weight brought on my hypothyroid/Hashimoto’s when I have tracked every calorie and movement to prove I should not be gaining. It always disappears so I have learned not to count it for at least two weeks except this time it took three weeks to return and then lose more than my previous lowest weight.
At 256 pounds I am well in the range of where I was before I stopped gaining weight because of Lyrica and Cymbalta and on my way back to the weight I was before those two nasty drugs found me. It puts me two pounds above the 12 pounds, in 12 days when I first started taking them.
For a reality check, my old “speed” of one-quarter of a pound per week would not have brought me to this point in a single year. Keep in mind that was pre-fibromyalgia when I was much more active than I am now. In fact, I have lost 21.4 pounds since July 7, 2013. In my entire life, I have never lost 20 pounds in a calendar year. Right now, I am at 21.4 pounds in just under eight months.
For me, it’s a big deal…like HUGE!!!!!!!!!!
So here’s the “coincidence:” My selenium, manganese, and vitamins A, C, and E have also been closer to the amounts recommended in the article I referenced yesterday than they normally are (my normal). I went back through my records and proved the phenomenon time and time and time again. Now, maybe it is just a coincidence but you’d better believe I am putting it to the test.
My plan for the week is to replicate last week as much as I possibly can to see if I can prove the coincidence.
I also lost .75 inches.
Oh please, oh please, oh please, PRETTY PLEASE….Let this be the thing. PUH-LEASE!!!!!!!!
Let’s start with the FYI….So Give It 100 made some changes to their site based on user feedback. Now, instead of being able to catch-up missed days the count starts from wherever you left off. I missed most of the week so while this should be CI#76 on the Give It 100 site, it’s video 73. I haven’t quite decided what to do about the mismatched numbers. I’ll think on it more tomorrow.
Now about the research…
So I read an article about the vitamins and minerals the thyroid uses to process the hormones and how in Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis patients those nutrients are often in short supply. Of course, I started wondering how my own records stack up to the claim of the article.
Thank God (no that is not a vain comment) I have been keeping excellent records with Fitday.com and can access the breakdown of these specific nutrients with just a few clicks of my mouse.
The results were very interesting. I was able to undercover a correlation between lower levels of some of the nutrients and dismal to non-existent weight loss. Conversely, I found higher levels correlated with better results.
Hummmmmmmmmm, very, very interesting.
Oh you know I’m going to follow this and see where it goes.
For over a decade I have said, “It doesn’t seem to matter how many calories I eat because there is no rhyme or reason to my body losing weight.” There was even a time about eight years ago I proved I could gain AND lose weight eating an average of 1800 calories. I never could figure why.
This has been my “normal” weight loss story since 2002.
Yeah, TWELVE YEARS!!!!
I did everything I could think of to switch things up to find the “magic” my body needed. I never found the “it” I was searching for simply because the only thing I could prove is it really did not matter how much I exercised or what sort of food plan I followed my average remained about one pound per month.
My inability to find the “it” is what lead me to almost have weight loss surgery last year. However, interestingly enough on the advice of several fellow Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis patients who have had weight loss surgery and are still battling to lose weight and whose universal recommendation was to not follow with surgery through without a good endocrinologist on my team; I decided to step back and continue to work on finding the right specialist to make sure such a drastic intervention would not be fruitless. My current doctor is not a specialist and refuses to re-test my antibody levels since my TSH is “normal.” I know, I know…You’re screaming at the screen.
At least for the time being, it was the right decision because there is nothing to convince me my thyroid is working properly if my body is failing to release weight while having a “normal” TSH, a reduced calorie diet, and sufficient exercise.
This feels like the closest to “it” I have ever come. It makes all the randomness make sense. If my body doesn’t have the right micronutrients my thyroid needs to function at optimum levels then it really isn’t going to matter what I do. Broken things do not work until they are fixed…all the way fixed. It is a universal law. All the mornings I started at the amber pill bottle and wondered what was wrong with the pills and my body.
“Why can’t you get along?”
I swallowed those pills every morning without the least bit of faith they would actually work. They weren’t working…together. I have known it for a decade.
Tonight is the first time any of my experience makes the tiniest sliver of sense.
As I looked up each nutrient, suddenly some of my food cravings made sense.
I actually get a little twitchy and sad if I go too many days without carrots. You read that right, carrots.
I crave them more than chocolate.
Carrots give my body Vitamin A.
Second to carrots, my body screams for peppers. Peppers give my body Vitamin C and anatabine, which helps negate the effects of the thyroid antibodies my body produces. I have craved peppers my whole life. As a child, I would rather have a sweet green pepper than an apple any day. The substance is also in potatoes (and all others in Solanaceae family). Do you remember I devoted an entire post to the lovely vegetable. As it turns out, research has proven anatabine and vitamins A and D combine to combat inflammation.
If you are reading this and have fibromyalgia, apparently the “rule” to avoid the Solanaceae family, also known as nightshades, could actually be pain increasing and potentially dangerous dietary advice if you also have Hashi’s. Furthermore, one of the commonalities between the two diseases is gut absorption problems so it likely we need more than the RDA of each nutrient to actually “get” what our bodies need.
Interestingly enough, according to the article I linked anatabine is also present in another nightshade, tobacco, and most Hashi’s patients report a worsening of symptoms after quitting smoking.
Guess when I was at a normal weight?
The same freakin’ period of time I was a smoker.
When did I balloon up and suddenly become “unable” to lose weight?
Yep, when I quit smoking.
Another of my must have foods are nuts and seeds. These little gems are chock full of three of the other key nutrients–Vitamin E, selenium, and manganese–and I eat them regularly. Cravings for them are not as strong as carrots but I do notice I “need” them from time to time. Without them even a normal thyroid will struggle and those with a compromised thyroid may never find relief from their symptoms.
Is it possible my body is actually pretty smart?
My body…the one I have spent the last decade bitching about…smart?
Is the morale of this story: NEVER GIVE UP!
So it seems…on both counts.
Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional. I am a frustrated and seeking patient. No information in this post is meant to be or substitute for medical advice. Please consult your doctor about all medical decisions including dietary changes.
Do you ever feel like that? I do. Ever since fibro hit me my brain, and my body, can only process so much and the rest goes on standby until the queue thins out some. That is where I have been the past few days–thinning the queue.
Now that moving is off the table and my body is starting to relax my mind starts remembering all the “little” things I should be doing. Oh there’s that should word. Isn’t evil? Should be. Should have been. Should. Should. Should.
So tonight I am lumping all these updates together and snuggling with tea, a blanket, and my dogs. I am not doing anything self-destructive, not even close. I am even avoiding potential triggers as I respect I am too close to the edge. It’s a huge victory.
Honest, the week has not been bad. I have just had a lot more on my plate than normal. It has been draining–not bad–it just takes energy that all so precious and elusive commodity missing from the lives of people with fibromyalgia.
Foodwise, it has been a good week. I have been very aware of the extra stress in my life so I have been watching myself like a hawk. Practicing that level of mindfulness also takes energy. Maintaining the focus to be present as I eat and drink has been worth the effort.
Now, having said that I fully admit to wanting to dive head first into a pile of sugar and not come out until I’m sick.
I rarely want this for myself anymore so I am trying to celebrate that success while not giving into the temptation to wreck all my good work this week. This also takes extra energy.
I am depleted in many senses of the word.
It happens to the best THRIVERS because it is just part and parcel of the chronic life. It is one of the things the “normal” folks have a hard time understanding.
But, I have been at this long enough to know the more I can rest, restore, and recharge the better I am going to feel. It won’t be tomorrow and likely won’t be Sunday either but I will bounce back. I always do.
Back to ME.
I’m cranky. I’m tired. And I am only posting this so my conscious will be clear because the last thing I need is something else to feel cranky about.
To save time and because my brain is fried I’m copying what I posted on Facebook (if you’ve read it, I apologize):
You’re about to read something I do not often say….I’m a stressed-out, anxiety-ridden, on-the-verge-of-tears mess. Hubs received an email from our landlord this morning. He called him first thing. Apparently there is a deal in the works involving our house and the house next door. In case you don’t remember, we live at the edge of a commercial zone so we’re zoned mixed use. If the buyer can secure both properties, he can develop the land for commercial use. It’s a both or nothing because of the zoning requirements. If the deal goes through, we’ll need to move mid-May. So we have to plan for a maybe. Considering the market is swinging up in our area and comparable rents are up to more than we make in an entire month. Yeah, for just rent. I looked at one today for a cool $4,200 a month. How can people here afford such a thing? They fly to L.A. to work. Seriously. Finding something in our price range will be nothing short of an actual miracle. Then there’s the matter of our business which we can do here and may not be able to do somewhere else. This would be one of those moments when my former counselor would say, “Why don’t you just get mad and cry?” He was awesome but I never could quite get him to latch on the “fibro girls throwing a tantrum no matter how well deserved have consequences” concept. Can fibro please just go away so I can have a proper meltdown without spending a week or more recovering.
Wait…what does any of this have to do with losing weight? (Notice I am asking that question a lot? Well, it is because things you would ever imagine have an impact on my, and your, success.)
People tend to overeat when under duress. It is a fact and if you are trying to lose weight one of the best things you can do is keep tabs on your stress levels.
A couple of fingernails didn’t survive, however. In my defense, they were already peeling and/or ragged thanks to Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis. But, my calories and food choices were on point. My activity was a bit off thanks to the flashing neon sign in my head “We have to move. We have to move. We HAVE to MOVE,” but I already have plans to get out of the house tomorrow. The weather is supposed to be rainy and 15 degrees cooler but I’m going out no matter what…at least that’s my plan…I think.
PS…It wasn’t all bad…this morning I saw 257.6 this morning…and believe you me it was HUGE motivation to not find huge piles of chocolate and swim in it 🙂
Yesterday was payday and I was a shoppin’, errand-runnin’ fool! It was not an overly taxing day just busy enough I was not able to rest properly in between adventures to four different grocery stores, taxi duties, and bill paying. I was also wearing cute socks.
What do socks have to do with anything? Well…and as lame as this is going to sound it is the truth…if I am extra active in cute socks I tend to swell more than if I wear ugly socks (read diabetic-style with the bulky, loose knit cuff). I hate ugly socks with a passion. Socks go on feet. Feet are gross. Therefore socks should have a sense of humor, or at least be cute.
Honestly when I put them on, I thought my day was going to be a little freer than it ended up being. Had it been I would have been able to elevate my feet to help keep the puffiness to a minimum. Alas, the universe conspired with my socks and they sunk me.
But here’s the super cool thing…It was my choice of foot covering which did me in and not fibromyalgia.
All these days of pushing myself, all these days of thinking way too deeply about how to best load a shopping bag or box so I can manage it myself, all these days of moving when I do not want to, all these days of reading and researching, all these days of being determined to THRIVE are paying off. I can grocery shop alone and in peace. To gain this shred of independence back from the dragon is one of the most empowering things I have done for myself. It is almost a Zen thing for me most of the time. Yesterday was not exception. I was a little more hurried than I prefer but I had a wonderful time out searching for the best deals for my family. Hello, non-scale victory!
But, by the time I finally held still yesterday my ankles were puffy and when they are puffy like that I cannot sit in my desk chair, or any chair. My spot is either the recliner or flat on my back with a wedge pillow to elevate my legs. I fussed and I fidgeted and I even tried coming to the computer a couple of times but I knew if I pushed myself to sit here an write the puffy would only get worse. So, I didn’t post. I THRIVED the day at the expense of coming here to report on it. That tiny bit of limitation was the only frustrating part of my day. I have come a long way.
I was so hoping this mini challenge would end with a grand flourish or at least a decent walk. But, of course as often happens to chronic babes, my body had other plans. I have something pinched in my back in a place where things usually are not pinched. Every step with my left foot brings a sharp jab in my spine. My challenge ended wandering around Kmart and WalMart this morning while my hubs searched for new work boots. Just doing that much was enough to know I would not be walking anymore today. Sigh. The good news is my knee is not throwing a totally fit from last night’s walk.
Even though it did not end the way I wanted I am proud of myself. Honestly, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. The most surprising thing I learned is I try to talk myself out of doing good things for my body a lot more than I realized. It gives me something to work on.
As for my weekly results, not bad but not great either. I am still holding on to a little bit of extra water. My feet and ankles are puffy at the end of the day and my hands are puffy in the morning. How puffy? I just pushed my finger on my ankle and there’s a divet…not just a depression that bounces back…a full divet that does not bounce back. Sigh.
However, I did keep things moving in the right direction. I am down 1.75 inches and 2 pounds but I STILL have not reached my pre-California weight. I know I said I don’t count it until it has been two full weeks and this is the second week but I am giving myself another week. I just cannot bring myself to change my weight when I know it is “fake.” Ankle divets are a sure sign the scale is not an accurate representation of my true weight…at least that is what I am telling myself. It’s depressing and I am really trying to to let it screw with my head.
On the good side, it’s payday in the morning so I can stock up on all the right foods and can carb cycle properly. I have even made a list of go-to meal and snack ideas to make sure I buy the right foods.
One more week…I can do this…Come back 256.8…I miss you.
Today has been a most unusual Saturday. First, my husband woke up late. You would have to really understand this man to know this is a rather big deal. He’s a former dairyman who is programmed to still waking up with the cows so for him to just be shaking the sleepy off at 8 a.m. is exceedingly rare. He did clock-in at 2:10 a.m. yesterday morning and drove nearly the entire length of the state and back. It wasn’t without reason.
Since the weekdays are mine to do what I want, our weekends often follow his schedule. Today was no exception. As 4:30 p.m. rolled around we both were exhausted. We did a lot. Nothing to strenuous but continuously busy all day. There was a long conversation about the utter ridiculousness of taking a nap considering the hour. The poor guy is still asleep at almost 9 p.m. I have tried to wake him a couple of times but he’s out. Out like a man who works as hard as he does.
My nap gave me a headache.
As I was waking, it slowly dawned on me I had not made time for my walk yet. I laid there in the dusky light contemplating the cobweb-y pain in my head. I started going back and forth about taking a walk. I live on a very busy highway at the edge of an industrial zone so safety is a concern. Our house is also at the intersection of a 4-way hill–down to the East, West, and South and uphill to the North. Hills and my knee are not friends. This is the reason why I drive to a park or trail to walk. Honestly, it is part of why I do not walk more often. Like tonight sometimes there just is not time to drive somewhere. Sometimes, I need every drop of gasoline to take care of my family.
So I lay there contemplating…
“Ugh…unless I jump up right now there’s no way to make it to the trail.”
“So don’t go.”
“Bbbbbbbbbut it’s Saturday…I cannot fail now.”
My head pounded.
“I need drugs.”
Slowly a thought wafted…
“You could walk to the gas station for a diet Dr Pepper and take regular pain reliever for the headache (I’ve been needing my migraine meds a lot this week and sometimes the meds cause rebound headache and the only way to break the chain is to NOT take them. How’s that for nonsense?)
“Ugh….in a minute…don’t think I could walk a straight line right now.”
So I surfed Facebook for a few minutes. The curtains were still open so the fleeting light glared.
“Crap…if I don’t go right now it’s going to be totally dark.”
Hey I’ll admit it…I’m afraid of the dark. I live in a very safe community so safety is not much of a concern. I am just a big chicken.
“Shut up…I hate you and your stupid challenges.”
“But….I dun wanna go.”
“Are you willing to hate yourself for not going?”
“I thought I told you to shut up.”
I turned on Runtastic, put my phone in my wristlet, double checked to make sure I had my debit card, and I went.
There are exactly three houses on my block so it did not take me long to get to the intersection.
“Hey…this is weird…I do not remember the last time I was in a cross walk.”
Years of living in rural communities without stoplights will do that to a girl.
I caught myself delighting in being in between the lines.
“You are such a dork.”
“This is not going to feel great on the way back.”
And that right there is the problem. On the way back, when my body is already tired I have a steady uphill climb to get home and then our steep driveway another 10 or so feet off the road base. The northerly walk is totally out of the question as the hill starts off climbing at about a 6-percent grade. Umm, no.
Since we live so close to this gas station we are there often. All the girls know us but they still ask if we want a bag which we rarely do.
“Do you need a bag?”
“Actually yes…I walked down tonight.”
“Well you go girl…good for you.”
Can I just say it felt really good to actually hear her say that? Most of my “atta girls” are notes or from within but to hear another person say it was an unexpected surprise so much so an equally surprising tear just slid down my cheek as I wrote it out.
The walk back did burn and my knee cap felt weird so I am concerned how it is going to feel later and tomorrow. But, it was not awful.
Back at the cross walk, I actually had to push the button. Do you remember doing that as a child? I used to race my sister for the button. About four or five steps into the cross walk I remembered the terror I used to feel as a child because I never could make it before the little man turned red. It always embarrassed me. I always felt bad about myself for not being able to move my short legs fast enough.
“Oh not to-night…nope.”
I kicked my still-short legs into high gear.
The little man turned red with one step left.
“Oh now it’s on…I am going to beat you little man.”
At least, that is if I’m not a crippled, mangled mess in the morning.
Half my soda is gone along with half my headache.
But, I am smiling because I made the choice to give myself this victory. I could have, and almost did, come up with plenty of excuses to fail. But, did you notice I only needed one reason to decide to succeed?
Honestly, I ate a tiny bit of a peanut butter bar earlier after a decent LC day. Even with the off-limits-today treat I am still on-track calorie wise so that is a tiny bit of extra credit. However, I had also tasted failure already. It is bitter and rotten so I made the choice to avoid a second helping. I am still not happy about the rich, peanutty, chocolately bites…but I feel rather proud of myself for turning it around. I have one more walk to go on to win this challenge.
Winning feels good…I only needed to convince myself and make the .36 mile round-trip…a total of 12:47 of my life to feel better about myself…Yeah, winning feels very good.
PS….It’s just after 11 p.m. and my video still will not go from my phone to SkyDrive 😦 Hopefully tomorrow.
Into every chronic babe’s life, a bad day must fall. Today is the day. It happens that’s why this is it is chronic and not food poisoning, a cold, or a broken bone. We have to plan for the bad days as much as we relish the good. It’s just how it works and there is no getting around it but bribery can help.
Let me explain. Here’s my list today:
The neck thing is back
I’m frozen, despite it being 78 degrees and being clad in flannel
Chin asleep, which I am sure is just referred from my neck but still
Fogged like San Francisco in February
And on the verge of becoming a total bitch about it.
Do you blame me? Not if you’re a chronic babe (or dude) too.
Honestly it is so tempting to blame all of this on fibro but the likely truth is some of it is not. One of my wellness strategies is to give the proper disease credit for making me feel like shit but today I just cannot muster the caring to sort them all out. Although I highly suspect Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis is largely involved. None of this was helped by my faithful companion Petey, my ShihTzu, waking me up at 4 a.m. Sometimes when you have critters, it happens.
Here I am at 2:30 in the afternoon and really starting to feel my day, my life has been wasted. The sludge at the bottom of the self-pity barrel is in sight. My choice is to continue to sink into the abyss or do something to hold on for dear life.
Bribery to the rescue.
So I have this commitment to walk every single day this week. Yes, I did consider the potential for a day like today when I made the commitment. I’d be a fool if I didn’t. I even postulated that the daily regimen might even trigger some extra pain though I do not believe for a second the walking is to blame in the particular case. Again, I would be a fool if I did not explore the possibility before hand. It is part of the contract being chronic thrusts upon us.
I am sure if I said, “I can’t today,” there is not a single person who would blame me…except for myself.
Did I mention I am on the verge of being a bitch? Oh yes, I did. So here’s the thing I know about myself…When I am standing at the precipice of the netherworld of chronic pain I can get super mean with myself. The internal dialog is uglier than I would let any other human hear. So, bribery has become my way of putting the brakes on and convincing myself to change course.
“Dear Tanya, if you’ll just go take a shower and get ready to go pick up your son you can get a Powerade slushie and sit in the sun.”
“Oh…okay…I can do it.”
I have two hours to accomplish the terms of the agreement.
Honestly, I am not so bad off that I am physically unable to shower and dress myself but truth be told when I feel this bad I just do not care. Oh I could go pull my hair back in a pony, put on a hat, yesterday’s jeans, and a clean shirt and call it good but under the circumstances it is not good enough. Right now what I need most is to flip fibromyalgia off and dirty hair and mostly clean jeans just are not going to cut it. And I know this about myself.
So again I can choose to allow the chronic part of my life to take over, or I can know myself and do something to stop it.
To Sonic for a Powerade slushie.
Why? Isn’t this against the “no feeding your pain with sugar rule”?
Yes, sugar is bad for pain.
However, part of my pain is a headache that feels like migraine. Meds did not solve it or even take the edge off of it so I have to consider perhaps dehydration is masquerading as a migraine. Sports drinks have been proven to have near-instant effectiveness for this type of headache. At this point, it’s worth a shot. And, I can leave a little early, walk to Sonic while drinks are still half-price and give the Powerade slush and some sunshine a chance.
Besides, I also have to consider the tremors could be form a lack of calories. I had french toast at about 8 a.m. and then nothing, not even water, until just after 2 p.m.
The slush is either going to help or plunge me to a whimpering pile of goo…and there’s only one way to find out.
Here is me before and then after a shower, a very large beverage, some food, and sunshine. This is only about two and a half hours difference but it looks and feels like a whole world.
You are worth this much effort!
Do I feel better? Yeah, a little bit.
Did all my symptoms go away? Nope.
Do I at least feel like I can make it through the rest of the day? Thankfully, yes.
Have I even managed to stay on track today? Mostly. Truthfully, I haven’t had a single veggie all day. I have veggies but when your stomach is upside-down it’s best to stick to the bland, less acidic side of the culinary world and for me that was soup and rice. It’s not ideal by any stretch but under the circumstances I do believe it was the right decision in the moment.
Now I am off for more water. THRIVE ON!
Ahh, if all days could be like today. I spent part of the first day of Spring on a photo safari at two parks near my home. My goal was to snap as many signs of Spring as I could find. Boy did I find a lot too.
I watched some birds building a nest, listened to a babbling brook, sucked back a tear remembering how much my grandma loved flowers, and became momentarily drunk on lilac. Those lilacs were my biggest surprise of the day.
According to the Runstastic app on my phone I walked for 46:19. YAY ME!!!
I also took 111 photos.
This is my personal heaven.
Warm days and my camera.
But my favorite part of my walk today was not the chunky robin or the rainbow of flowers it was the sound of the babbling brook next to the trail. It was here I just stopped and listened. It is one of the few times this week I just “was” with nothing else flowing through my mind except the sound of the water. In the rush of this week, being present in that moment was the best thing I have done for myself. I have watched the video half a dozen times already. My best advice in all the flurry of whatever you are doing to lose weight with fibromyalgia or dealing with the pain of fibro find something which makes you stop and just be.
Balm of Gilead.