But I Don’t Wanna Go, CI#58

My hubs company dinner is in just a couple of hours and there is not part of me that wants to go.  But, I am going.  It is one of the few nice things his company does and the only thing which the wives are included.  Since I am going–yes, I could have decided not to go but honestly it would have meant I had to cook dinner so free food it is–I have to look presentable.  It is not only the way I was raised but part of my commitment to myself.  I am not less than human or normal because I have chronic pain so I refuse to look anything less than my best and that happens to be a wildly fluid concept.

Too many pain people talk about not looking “human” or “normal” in public and how it makes them feel badly about themselves.  Frankly, the pain life is hard enough without adding to it so even though I hurt like the dickens I took a shower, slapped on some makeup, and did as little as possible to my hair which translates to big, wild, funky hair.  The wind is gusting so there’s really no point in trying to control it anyway.  Go big or stay home, right?  Right!

I realize none of that has to do with losing weight with fibromyalgia–or does it?

Each day I, like every other fibro chick, have to make decisions about my health including what I am going to eat.  The honest truth is I’ll eat better going out.  That’s right.

At the restaurant, I will pick the healthy choices–most likely a lean steak, a sweet potato without butter, and fresh veggies–but if I stay home I can almost guarantee it is going to be some version of “crap in a pan” that I know my men folk will eat.  Part of the reason is because we do not have lean steak and fresh veggies today.  It is just where we are financially at the moment.  The other part is the work of cooking is overwhelming right now.  So it is actually easier on me to look “human” and go out.

Aside from the actual food choices, choosing to take my pain and live is the absolute best choice I can ever make.  It would be so easy, too easy for me to sit back curled up with my massage pad and a blankie and watch hours of mindless television and from time to time, I do make that choice.  However, the more fibromyalgia and my other medical conditions limit my ability to do things I want to do–and even things I do not want to do but should do–the less of me there is.  Maybe it is egotistical but I like me just fine thank you very much.  My big hair and I are going out to dinner.  We will hate most of our dining companions but the steak will be awesome.

My bottom line, the line that is more my weight or pain, is this is my life and I will live while aspiring to THRIVE.


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