An Open Thank You To Chris Powell For NOT Picking Me As A Contestant On Extreme Weight Loss, CI#84


Here’s why…I already decided either way I was on a mission to figure out my body once and for all.  And, In the five weeks since I sent that nerve-wracking video to you the floodgates of information have been unleashed.

As I told you in my audition, my medical issues present more than a few challenges and honestly if you had picked me I was hoping your muscles would help the doctors pay attention to the things I have been saying FOR YEARS. You see I know my body and I know when she’s not working right. But, you didn’t pick me. And because of that I keep looking and searching and NEVER GIVING UP HOPE ON MYSELF (not that I would have anyway).  I told you with or without you I was going to WIN at losing this time.  I highly suspected you would not take a chance on me and I do not blame you one single bit.  I am a complicated cookie, it is a fact–my fact–but I also know, or at least I think I do, part of the reason why you passed on me is because you could see the fire in my eyes and in my being and knew I would be okay without you.  If that is part of the reason, I just want you to know you did me the biggest favor by seeing that in me.  If not, well it is a nice enough story I am telling myself to keep me from being super sad you didn’t pick me.  Either way, I am figuring things out like never before and I am sure that the very emotional process of digging deep enough to make that uber scary video plays a huge part in why.

A few weeks ago, I was feeling pretty yucky, and yes that’s the right word for it.  My body, my thyroid specifically, was just off and had little energy to do than read articles on the internet and in my email.

Learning to harness those low energy, low health moments has been one of my greatest finds along my journey.  Whenever they happen instead of sulking on the couch I ask myself, “What CAN I do?” and then I go do that instead of frittering away my time on mindless television or getting drawn into the drama that spewing about my symptoms on social media can be.  On that fateful Saturday, I could sit and I could read.  So I sat and I read.

Well wonder of wonders I found out my almost-weight-loss surgeon’s practice added the just-right endocrinologist and have an appointment with him in a few weeks. He has already ordered the proper lab tests and will have the results waiting for me at my first appointment with a plan of action.  I like action.  It has taken me twenty years–20 YEARS–to find an endocrinologist though I honestly only knew I needed one for about the last three or four years on my journey.

But, I am not one to sit back content to wait. I was still on the hunt for any little tweak in the meantime.

What’s the scripture, “Seek and Ye Shall Find.”

Well, as I was sitting there near-motion-and-energy-less. I found a tweak I never tried.

Thank goodness for the past ten years I have kept excellent track of what I eat because I took that new information and combed through my food journal and sure enough what this new source advised matched my pattern of losing sometimes and not other times. I can demonstrate to anyone who will listen that my body gains AND loses eating the same number of calories and exercise the same amount and I’ve never been able to figure out why.  Well, for the last three weeks I have employed that very simple little tweak–a small handful of antioxidants known to help the thyroid–and I have been richly reward with the best weight loss of my life.   For the first time ever, I feel like I have a handle on Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis.

For the first time ever–and I mean ever in my whole entire life–I am losing weight like a normal person. Normal?  Me!!!!  For the first time ever, my weight loss matches the exact calorie deficit I have created.  Not only that but last week while I was battling bronchitis.  That’s right Chris, even when I was sicker than a dog I was still logging what I was eating and making sure I had the right deficit.  That is how determined I am.

I cannot help but sit here in the quiet of my day and as my lungs are still healing and wonder if maybe you and I would have ever come across this tweak because maybe I would have stopped looking because I decided to shift some of this responsibility to you. Maybe. Possible but not probable if the past 12 years of my ever-searching life stands as a testament to my determination to find MY answers.  Maybe, even with your muscles we could not have convinced a doctor to listen.  Maybe.

Had you taken such a huge risk with me and put me in the casting pool I would have been wading through that process hoping, praying to ultimately be chosen and perhaps doing less to help myself. No offense to the process but the fact is it seems right in this very moment it might have been a setback in my personal progress.  Until this very moment only a select few family members and friends knew I applied to be on the show.  Well, obviously now the whole world is going to know or at least the small fraction of it reading my blog.

So Chris Powell as much as I would have loved to meet you, work with you, be a very public example to disabled people everywhere and let’s be honest here and have you pay for the plastic surgery I am absolutely going to need at some future point, I have to give you a great big THANK YOU for turning me down. I will find a way to pay for that surgery when that time comes and maybe at some point I will still have the opportunity to meet you but the rest of it I think I can handle myself and when I cannot I know I am stubborn enough to keep looking for the answers.  I know I am already example to the handful of people following this specific blog and to hundreds, and maybe thousands, of fibromyalgia patients around the world through.

Thanks again Chris!

And for you, my dear friends who might be reading this I hope this explains all the references to “the big project.”  I have debated back and forth about opening this video to the public but today, for some inexplicable reason, I feel strong enough to send it flying through cyberspace.  Be kind, and if you cannot, be quiet.  Please.

Here’s the link to the full 15 minute video as Chris Powell and the Extreme Weight Loss Casting Team saw it:

Credit unavailable.  If you know the source of this image, please let me know.  As best as I could discover it was a free graphic.  If it is not, please notify me otherwise.

Credit unavailable. If you know the source of this image, please let me know. As best as I could discover it was a free graphic. If it is not, please notify me otherwise.


5 thoughts on “An Open Thank You To Chris Powell For NOT Picking Me As A Contestant On Extreme Weight Loss, CI#84

  1. Hi! I myself was a fellow applicant who was on the EWL ride and being considered as a finalist. I just think that you are doing great and have an amazing attitude! Keep up the great work! Also, Chris and Heidi do not make any decisions regarding the casting calls and consideration of finalists, so it’s not him saying no to us, it’s strictly the casting director’s, like Melanie. Chris and Heidi don’t weigh in on decisions until they meet the finalists which was scheduled in our information to be the end of this month somewhere TBA if we were a finalist. I found peace in knowing it wasn’t his “no”. Have a blessed journey.

    • Hi Amanada, Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. I absolutely appreciate it. Actually, I did know Chris, himself, was not part of the first round decision. But considering I do not know the names of the whole casting team I had to address my remarks to someone and it is ultimately his show. Besides, honestly, I used to be a journalist before my life took a drastic, disabling turn so titling the piece as I did was every bit as sensational as writing a headline. Go for the hook, is what J-school teaches. Most of my friends, family, followers, and readers were unaware I tried out so the headline, or in this case title, was to grab their attention. I’m sure most people would know me as the “Holy Sh*t What’s She Up To Now,” type of girl so I wanted to send a strong message. I only alluded to a “big project” for months and months and some of my closest friends were getting worried about me to the point of sending private, “Are you okay?” messages. Until yesterday, I had precisely zero intention of releasing the video to the masses because as my dear friend Rebecca points out–people are mean. But, in the end, if I am/was willing to be on the show–I mean truly, deep down in my soul willing–then this video had to fly. Maybe that doesn’t make sense to anyone but me and that’s totally cool. It’s what I needed, when I needed it.

      A HUGE CONGRATULATIONS to you for making it through!!!!!!!!! How cool!!!! Please, please, please keep in touch and let me know how it goes. No one I know personally made it so it’s super cool to have a cyber friend who did 🙂 Best of luck to you sweetie. I hope you make it. Because I absolutely know the courage and terror and exhilaration all wrapped up in the process.

  2. I really have no idea why you disabled the comments on that video. That was an amazing look into your journey and I feel privileged that you shared it with us. You WILL make it to your goal. I know you will. I will tell you this…I have watched his show many times and I think he didn’t pick you because you are not big enough and because you have the will power to do this on your own. You don’t need someone yelling in your ear to push a little harder, just go a little further. You know your body well enough to know what it will and will not tolerate better than any personal trainer could. I am proud of you for stepping out and doing something scary. It couldn’t have been easy, knowing how cruel the internet can be (ah-ha! Disabled comments. I get it now.) but you did it! I am proud to know you! You’ll get there.

    • HA HA HA HA HA….I have no blooming idea what you’re talking about. Chris said put it on Vimeo so I did. I didn’t even know what Vimeo was. Girl, I knew from the get-go I wasn’t getting picked. My reasons where part of the show is taking someone from A to B and it’s a fairly straight line. All the contestants are generally healthy and can walk, run, swim, bike, and lift that line. The fact is that ain’t me. Yes, there have been a few contestants with physical challenges. But, all of them have been surmountable. I know from dealing with, or more accurately attempting to deal with, trainers locally the average trainer has no flippin’ clue what to do with fibromyalgia. One chick assured me she could help and seemed super compassionate right up until she insisted on three one-hour sessions for $190. I calmly and carefully explained one hour is beyond my reach and that I needed something more in the 15-30 minute range. She wouldn’t budge. It’s not just her. I have yet to find a trainer willing to work on fibro-time, if you want to call it that. As awesome as Chris Powell, and all the the other celebrity trainers are, they and their shows just are not equipped to handle me or anyone like me. My hope was that because I am the crazy, fibro thriving me that maybe, just maybe they would see me for that and not just my broken body. I honestly wasn’t surprised to get past his gatekeepers either. It’s not just the trainers, the community is home to one of the premier marathons in the nation and they have a run/walk for disabled people and they probably think it’s totally cool. Do you know what you have to include on your application to take part in the disability run? The name of your “buddy.” Because “the only” disabled people are so disabled they have to have buddies. To further send your blood pressure through the roof, the name of the event “I Am Able–Run, Walk, Roll.” Yeah! You remember me telling you I’ve decided to be the “anti-advocate” well this sort of nonsense is part of it (more on that coming up in time for Fibromyalgia “Awareness” Day”. Honey there’s no doubt in my mind they heard the word “fibromyalgia” and switched off–mentally or physically stopped the video. It’s a big beast. And, yeah maybe you’re right I’m not big enough and to that I say half the women last season shared the same weight I am at now and up to my starting weight last July. While I get what you’re saying, at least I hope this is it, that I don’t LOOK as obese as I really am. I’ve never looked my weight not even when I was a skinny girl. I just cannot buy the number is the reason. At the same time, I totally, 1,000,000 percent own I am the chick who doesn’t “need” the coaching the way some others would. AND I am also 100-percent, okay 98.5-percent grateful, they didn’t pick me. The big reason I’m not is because surgery’s expensive and the fact is I am going to need multiple rounds of plastics and have since my second pregnancy. I’ll find a way though.

  3. PS……Chris might not have been IN the decision making process but I posted this to his wall and he liked it. It could be a pity like or he could have actually read it. Either way, he at least acknowledged it which is more than I can say for the casting team. You see if you’re not picked there’s no, “I”m sorry,” or “Thank you” just a vague message on the casting team’s FB page. Of my whole journey with this process, it was the only real disappointment. I know they receive thousands of entries but a form letter of some sort would be nice.

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