Hey Chris Powell….THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR not PUTTING ME IN THE CASTING POOL.
Here’s why…I already decided either way I was on a mission to figure out my body once and for all. And, In the five weeks since I sent that nerve-wracking video to you the floodgates of information have been unleashed.
As I told you in my audition, my medical issues present more than a few challenges and honestly if you had picked me I was hoping your muscles would help the doctors pay attention to the things I have been saying FOR YEARS. You see I know my body and I know when she’s not working right. But, you didn’t pick me. And because of that I keep looking and searching and NEVER GIVING UP HOPE ON MYSELF (not that I would have anyway). I told you with or without you I was going to WIN at losing this time. I highly suspected you would not take a chance on me and I do not blame you one single bit. I am a complicated cookie, it is a fact–my fact–but I also know, or at least I think I do, part of the reason why you passed on me is because you could see the fire in my eyes and in my being and knew I would be okay without you. If that is part of the reason, I just want you to know you did me the biggest favor by seeing that in me. If not, well it is a nice enough story I am telling myself to keep me from being super sad you didn’t pick me. Either way, I am figuring things out like never before and I am sure that the very emotional process of digging deep enough to make that uber scary video plays a huge part in why.
A few weeks ago, I was feeling pretty yucky, and yes that’s the right word for it. My body, my thyroid specifically, was just off and had little energy to do than read articles on the internet and in my email.
Learning to harness those low energy, low health moments has been one of my greatest finds along my journey. Whenever they happen instead of sulking on the couch I ask myself, “What CAN I do?” and then I go do that instead of frittering away my time on mindless television or getting drawn into the drama that spewing about my symptoms on social media can be. On that fateful Saturday, I could sit and I could read. So I sat and I read.
Well wonder of wonders I found out my almost-weight-loss surgeon’s practice added the just-right endocrinologist and have an appointment with him in a few weeks. He has already ordered the proper lab tests and will have the results waiting for me at my first appointment with a plan of action. I like action. It has taken me twenty years–20 YEARS–to find an endocrinologist though I honestly only knew I needed one for about the last three or four years on my journey.
But, I am not one to sit back content to wait. I was still on the hunt for any little tweak in the meantime.
What’s the scripture, “Seek and Ye Shall Find.”
Well, as I was sitting there near-motion-and-energy-less. I found a tweak I never tried.
Thank goodness for the past ten years I have kept excellent track of what I eat because I took that new information and combed through my food journal and sure enough what this new source advised matched my pattern of losing sometimes and not other times. I can demonstrate to anyone who will listen that my body gains AND loses eating the same number of calories and exercise the same amount and I’ve never been able to figure out why. Well, for the last three weeks I have employed that very simple little tweak–a small handful of antioxidants known to help the thyroid–and I have been richly reward with the best weight loss of my life. For the first time ever, I feel like I have a handle on Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis.
For the first time ever–and I mean ever in my whole entire life–I am losing weight like a normal person. Normal? Me!!!! For the first time ever, my weight loss matches the exact calorie deficit I have created. Not only that but last week while I was battling bronchitis. That’s right Chris, even when I was sicker than a dog I was still logging what I was eating and making sure I had the right deficit. That is how determined I am.
I cannot help but sit here in the quiet of my day and as my lungs are still healing and wonder if maybe you and I would have ever come across this tweak because maybe I would have stopped looking because I decided to shift some of this responsibility to you. Maybe. Possible but not probable if the past 12 years of my ever-searching life stands as a testament to my determination to find MY answers. Maybe, even with your muscles we could not have convinced a doctor to listen. Maybe.
Had you taken such a huge risk with me and put me in the casting pool I would have been wading through that process hoping, praying to ultimately be chosen and perhaps doing less to help myself. No offense to the process but the fact is it seems right in this very moment it might have been a setback in my personal progress. Until this very moment only a select few family members and friends knew I applied to be on the show. Well, obviously now the whole world is going to know or at least the small fraction of it reading my blog.
So Chris Powell as much as I would have loved to meet you, work with you, be a very public example to disabled people everywhere and let’s be honest here and have you pay for the plastic surgery I am absolutely going to need at some future point, I have to give you a great big THANK YOU for turning me down. I will find a way to pay for that surgery when that time comes and maybe at some point I will still have the opportunity to meet you but the rest of it I think I can handle myself and when I cannot I know I am stubborn enough to keep looking for the answers. I know I am already example to the handful of people following this specific blog and to hundreds, and maybe thousands, of fibromyalgia patients around the world through.
Thanks again Chris!
And for you, my dear friends who might be reading this I hope this explains all the references to “the big project.” I have debated back and forth about opening this video to the public but today, for some inexplicable reason, I feel strong enough to send it flying through cyberspace. Be kind, and if you cannot, be quiet. Please.
Here’s the link to the full 15 minute video as Chris Powell and the Extreme Weight Loss Casting Team saw it: https://vimeo.com/user24777484/videos