Oh Look I Changed My Mind Again–And Why It Matters

I know, I know those of you who know me are not the least bit surprised, right.

Honestly, the reason for the change is the one bit of consistent feedback I receive is some version of, “I really like this but I would not ever read it because I don’t have fibromyalgia.”  At first the comment bothered me.  I mean you’re talking about one of my writing babies now.  Like any protective momma I said, “My baby’s fine.”

However, the more the comments worked their way under my skin the more I realized IIIIIIIIIIIIIII would NOT be drawn to a blog with any sort of illness listed in the title.  The more I thought about it the more I focused on my blog reading list and there’s not a single “sick” titled blog on the list with the exception of one written by a dear friend.  I read it because she writes it but I honestly would not be drawn to it by the title alone (Sorry, E I love you!)

My personal blog and website roll is filled with wellness and empowerment.  Overcoming challenges–health or otherwise–is a theme but my reading list is not exclusively about being a chronic babe.  My reading list is about coaxing myself into being my best me.  Yes, I’m aware of how self-centered and egotistical that sounds.  And you know what?  I don’t care.

Don’t judge me until you read why…

I was taught from early on to not think of myself at all.  When I became a young mom my life was all about making sure my four kids had what they needed.  Not only did my own personal health suffer but I did not do the best job giving my kids what they needed.  No, that is not a moment of self-deprecation. The constant feelings of letting them down only turned my attention even farther from myself and sometimes toward food.

The ridiculous irony of my life is it took becoming a chronic babe to decide I mattered.  If I am not well enough to take care of my family which includes two goofy dogs and a cat, then what good am I to them?  To myself?

I would even submit that many chronic babes–from obesity to fibromyalgia–are chronic, at least in part, because we never thought we mattered enough to make sure our own bodies were healthy.  We have spent way too much of our lives making sure our jobs and families were a priority. It is time we stomp our foot and say, “I matter, dammit.”

Now while some of you boo and hiss or vow to never read me again my wish is the same wish I have whenever I send something into the bloggosphere:

May the person who needs to read this the most, find it and be touched.

I know someone reading this needed to see those words. The me of 45+ years ago, and every year along the way, sure as hell needs to know I mattered.

Perhaps my knowing sounds narcissistic to you but I have been blogging long enough to know it is a very non-narcissistic truth.  Blogs are because the reader who needs the words, finds them because the writer who needed to say them, does.

So what am I saying with my blog?  What do I want to say?

The number on the scale is important…but so is how you feel about yourself the other 86, 395 seconds of the day (My scale takes about 5 seconds to display my weight).

Furthermore, how you feel about yourself while wading through health challenges is crucial to your state of wellness even when, especially when those challenges are chronic.  When you are already sick, the fat talk can be especially damning.

The truth is you need to be extra nice to yourself.

I want “Weighing Healthy” to be that sometimes gentle, sometimes loud reminder that you indeed do matter…and when things are not working for you–especially blog titles–you do have the power to change them.

In fact, it is not only healthy but empowering to make changes and move forward.

You also should not be the least bit concerned about what anyone thinks.

My best advice: Your journey is about you.  And, it is okay.  Make-A-Fresh-Start

CI#98–Today’s The Day

The worst part about taking a break is getting started again.  There is this amazing temptation to feel like a failure or even that life won’t be as lovely following “the rules” again.  It’s a head game.  Nothing more.  It’s also a big, fat lie and you really need to treat it as such because if the foods you’re eating on plan are really that abhorrent to you then you need new food.  Srsly!

Even as much as I know that, I will admit my feet did not hit the floor this morning before I caught myself thinking, “Low carb day…oh hell no.”  But I took a big deep breath and let that thought go.

Carb cycling–or any structured eating plan–takes work.  The truth is I woke up with some of yesterday’s pain and I don’t want to deal with the work.  That is different from “I can’t,” “I’m a failure,” and even “Oh hell no,” so it’s best to admit what it really is and move on.  Today I want to lounge about in flannel jammies nursing my Christmas-tree-putting-up-six-trips-to-the-store wounds.  But, I am also honestly very eager to start Carb Cycling again.

However, I am also nervous and worried the break won’t be enough to kick-start my body again.  I have to acknowledge those feelings while making sure I do not let them stand in my way.  I was off for 35 days so if my body hasn’t responded appropriately in 35 more days then I’ll give those feelings some steam.  Then I will act on them.  Today I will admit them and do my part to wrangle my insane thyroid, fibromyalgia body into submission and I’ll keep doing that until it is abundantly clear it is not working.  number-1

With my eagerness, I’m racing through this post so I can declare my goals to myself and to y’all and get my day started right.  I’m back.  And the parts of me who don’t hurt from yesterday are excited to get back to it which is why it is so important to recommit as publicly as you feel comfortable.  So many dieters make the mistake of keeping it a secret.  The “I’ll start on Monday” thought quickly turns into “I deserve to be fat forever because I’m such a loser for eating cookies for breakfast,” on Tuesday morning when waking up Monday involved their own “Oh hell no” moment.  It happens.  To everyone.  Know that, overcome that and you’re already on your way.

Hi my name is Tanya and I am recommitting to Carb Cycling today.

My best advice: If you need a restart, declare it!

If you do not have a support system put it in the comments or if you know me message me privately because you know I am here cheering for you.  Just tell someone other than yourself because that layer of accountability is crucial to your success.  We got this!

CI#97–I’m Back From A Break

My last post swirled around the INSANITY of losing weight with thyroid disease and fibromyalgia.  My answer to that 12 October post: STOP.  Stop being insane.

So I did the unfathomable and decided to STOP Carb Cycling or even paying too much attention to food, calories, fitness, but not the scale.

Used without permission from queenofyourlife.com

Used without permission from queenofyourlife.com

On that little pain in my ass, I kept a strong eye.  I was watching and waiting for it to creep upward and then I was going to hang out there for a few days and BAM hit the Carb Cycling again.

How’d that work out?

It was INSANE TOO!!!!

At first there was no change at all.  It took about a week for my body to add a couple of pounds from the extra carbs.  And I do know it was the extra carbs because I was NOT using this break as an excuse to hork down everything in sight.  It was simple a rule-less break.  I ate when I was hungry.  I ate veggies IF I felt like it and the went same for carbs, protein, sugar, and fat but I did not overeat.  Not even on Thanksgiving did I eat too much, of course, it was easy because I didn’t cook.  Yeah, not a single sweet potato did I prepare.

My plan was to let myself “gain” five pounds.

Now that “gain” is in parenthesis because I knew most of it would be from excess glycogen in my muscles and not true weight gain because again I was NOT overeating so I wasn’t going to really gain weight.

So I bet you’re wondering how long it took to pack on five whole pounds?

Well, my last teary post was October 12 and the last day I recorded my food in Fitday was 30 October.   The days between my emotional break down and my last food journal entry was me deciding what to do and ultimate deciding to take a big deep breath and to stop toiling in the insanity.

I also realized I’ve been on some sort of plan since July 2013–or 15 months–until my body stopped responding to my efforts.  Once that dawned on me, it was easier to give myself permission to step away.  But, I didn’t step until I had a plan to jump back.  That is where the five pound “gain” came in.

To be fair I actually learned about this approach when I was a personal trainer at Curves for Women in the 90s and for some reason I remembered it.  Curves founder Gary Heavin, suggests when transitioning to maintenance to never let yourself gain more than five pounds.  If or when you do, he says to just jump back on your plan until you lose the weight.  Then you keep repeating the cycle until your metabolism readjusts so you don’t gain by eating like a normal person.  It’s probably one of the most intelligent maintenance plans I’ve ever known of so I decided to give it whirl.  Heavin suggests the more “broken” your metabolism the faster that weight will come on as an almost “flight or fight” type response.  “Oh look more food.  Let’s keep it,” sort of thing.

Let’s go back to my last day of found journaling: 30 October.

Like I said, I gained 2-2.5 pounds in after 15 days.

Then the scale just bobbed.  Up a little, down a little but essentially the same.

When did I gain the rest?

This past weekend I went up another .5-.75 pounds.

First I’m bitching because the scale races upward when I’m doing everything to bring it down and now I can’t gain an ounce eating dessert a couple of nights a week.

Seriously, body?

When did I top out at a five pound gain?

Wednesday morning.

So I have to give a shout out to the amazing cheesecake from the Fish Rock Grill.  Thank you, Oh Glorious Turtle Cheesecake for making me a bloated, puffy mess who had a near-meltdown when the scale shot all the way up to 247.

Thankfully, the 247 thing was fleeting and was like the result of teryikai sauce and restaurant food as much as that creamy, ooey, gooey, caramely, slice of awesome (sorry you probably didn’t need to read that but it was amazing and I’m slightly sad I know it exists).

If that 247 was real would have lost my ever lovin’ mind.

Those 240s were not nice to me at all.

This morning 4 December: 244.4.

Thirty-five days after I threw Carb Cycling and Fitday aside.  It took my body 35 long, wonderful, beautiful days.

Huh?

Oh you’re confused?

If Mr. Heavin is right, and I do believe he is, my metabolism didn’t see me going off the rails as a threat so it didn’t pack on the pounds in a matter of days.  It was calm.  It was patient.  Or, maybe it was just taking a nap.

If my metabolism was kissable, I’d kiss it.

And now it’s time to keep my promise to jump back on track.

So here I am declaring, “I’m BAAAAAAAAAAAAACK.”

Am I jumping right back in?

No.

I’m taking the rest of the week to slowly add structure back in to my eating and I’ll start Carb Cycling on Monday.

Is this an excuse to keep eating off track?

Nope.

I know from experience my guts are going to revolt if I suddenly switch gears so I’m being kind to my body and easing back in.  The results of tonight’s roasted cauliflower lets me know I’m pretty wise to take it easy, ’nuff said, right.

But, I’ve actually saved the best result for last.

During my break, I did continue to use my BodyBugg/BodyMedia device because I wanted to make sure my activity level did not dip off too.  Taking a much-needed break is smart but losing mobility would have been months of me trying to cajole my body back to being willing to move.  Since today marks 100 days until my hubs and I set sail for the Mexican Riviera losing mobility would have been a different brand of insanity.

Anyway, do you know what happened during my break?

MY METABOLISM JUMPED 150 CALORIES A DAY!!!!!

Are you frickin’ kidding me?

Nope.

It got FASTER.

Not carb cycling also gave me a chance to not worry about not eating carbs so I found a few new carby recipes to add to my rotation which I do believe will be important since so many of my days were just a blur of protein and veggies but starchy veggiesonly on high carb days, of course.

Best of all, after 35 days I am ready for a kickass low carb Monday.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried about my body’s penchant for insanity though.

I know I didn’t tell you why I’ve been missing and I apologize for that but I needed to just be in my own head for this one.  (OMGOSH, I am NOT going to freak out about how puffy my face looks….deep breath…it’s a new camera angle…you’ve gained a little….you’re bloated…just breathe…can’t wait until Monday now).