Super late last night I had the idea to sit down and write out my expectations for the week. I did not do that.
It was super, super–like midnight–late and one of my expectations for myself was to not fall into the habit of staying up excessively late.
“I’ll do it in the morning,” I thought as I shuffled off to bed.
Morning included snow and a mile of honey-dos which morphed into every resume template I tried using to whip up a quick resume being impossible to format. Before I knew it, it was nearly 2:30 p.m.
I could have felt like a failure, like I’d already blown it and since no one knew of my plan to declare my intentions for the week I would be spared saying I blew it.
But did I really blow it?
It never ceases to amaze me how quickly the human mind decides it is a failure but how difficult it is to convince the same mind success is just around the corner.
So did I blow it? Really?
I got busy.
Busy is the truth.
Failure is the lie.
The truth also is the week is nothing close to over. It is late Monday afternoon for heaven’s sakes.
I still have time to tell you I am going to kick some serious boo-tay this week so here I am.
I had grand plans to walk every day and then it snowed when the forecast did not indicate snow.
Did I blow that goal too?
Nope. It snowed. I won’t put myself in a situation where I could fall no matter what the goal is so I wisely stayed inside. It happens.
I decided I also needed to get up in the morning, take a shower, and get ready as if I were headed to work. I am still in my pajamas.
Sorta. But, it snowed and I wanted to stay in my jammies. I’m cool with that.
Then I wanted to focus on lean proteins and lots and lots of low glycemic index veggies to give my metabolism a good start. I haven’t had a single veggie because I was too lazy to deal with them.
Oh wait, now that, that right there looks a lot like a failure so I have to own it.
However I also find it somewhat amusing. If I were headed to work today, I would have filled my lunch bag with celery sticks, carrot ‘chips’ (fresh carrots cut like wavy chips), and maybe even some mini red, yellow, and orange peppers and I can say that confidently because I have a whole crisper bin filled with those exact veggies waiting for my lunch bag that is no longer leaving the house.
Left to my own devices I cut up a leftover piece of chicken breast and called it good enough.
Is it good enough?
There is definitely some work to do. If I am willing to dirty the canning jar to transport it to work then why in the name of beta carotene wouldn’t I dump some lovely carrot chips on a plate and eat them. I do not have a good answer. And, it worries me.
Look more work to do.
In 18 days at exactly this time, I while be floating toward PuertoVallarta and if I sit around here not eating my veggies, not showering or exercising other self-care rituals; and especially if I am just sitting around my vacation is going to suck.
Do I want a sucky vacation?
Of course not.
And that is why I am here right now.
I know how easy it would be to slip into a whole pile of bad habits right now. Bad habits are not good.
They are not good for fibro.
They’re not good for weight loss.
They are not good for vacation prepping.
The truth is I need to be nice to fibro.
I need to do good things for my body so she will lose weight.
I need to move so I have the best vacation possible.
But the real reason why I am here right now is I decided this whole year of accountability is me breaking down what I really want from the lies I am telling myself about why I cannot have it.
It does not matter that it is 5:30 p.m. on Monday. What matters is when faced with the chance to lie by omission to you and lie by commission to myself, I am telling you I am going to kick some serious boo-tay this week…one day at a time…no, one hour at a time…no, one decision at a time…I am going to build myself up rather than tear myself down.