I have been home a whole week. Typing that sentence hurts. For all my preparations to have a successful cruise, I did not anticipate the need to help myself get back to life on land.
Quite simply, I am depressed and it is more than just the normal post-vakay let down.
I also know I am dealing with more than just normal stress right now.
*Inhale slowly, hold, exhale deeply*
This week has been tough.
I am having a really hard time getting back into the swing of things. We’re struggling financially so that’s not helping. When I do remember to plug everything into fitday.com and there’s one vegetable all day it makes me sad.
I like vegetables.
Right now, I counted change for a few groceries and could not buy a single vegetable. I do have a couple of bags of frozen left in the freezer, a whole cucumber, a few mushrooms, and two apples so I will be okay for a couple of days. But the thought of empty crisper bins just makes me sad and I need to find a way to not let it be so sad.
I think I just need to be nice to myself.
*Inhale slowly, hold, exhale deeply*
My job right now is be real and be accountable.
I cannot afford to eat 12 veggies a day right now but I am still responsible for everything that goes in my mouth.
I know fitday is a tool and while it may not paint the prettiest picture right now I can still use it. I can hold on to my good habits while knowing if my circumstances were better my choices would be better.
My body requires accountability so that is what I need to give her.
And when I forget to log my food, I need to be nice to myself because life is hard enough right now without beating myself up for forgetting what I had for lunch yesterday. Who needs that? Not me and yet here I am doing it to myself.
For extra fun, I think my scale is finally broken. I changed the batteries a couple of weeks ago hoping it was just weakly powered but today I never got the same weight twice. I only weighed more than once because ‘losing’ 10 pounds this week was not likely to be accurate.
Earlier in the week when it was seemingly working I had lost everything I gained on the cruise.
But am I sitting here jumping up and down about that?
At least I hope that was a real loss and not a broken scale moment. Then there’s the terror of worrying the scale is just broken and I didn’t lose a thing this week. It’s viscious!
I honestly do not think the scale was broken simply because I was able to step on the scale and get a reading where this morning it would not balance and would error-out. You think it could have had something to do with the ‘click’ I heard? Yeah. It’s broken.
Not exactly what I need at the moment but that’s even more reason for me to hold on even tighter and make sure I don’t use it as an excuse to go totally off the rails.
When I went back to school as an adult, in my very first class was a man who would be accurately described as ‘super obese’. He was so large he needed two chairs on which to sit. One day he commented that he would love to be a normal weight but he lacked the money to hire a personal chef. For whatever reason, that comment has stuck with me for over 10 years now. In his mind, the only way to be healthy was to hire a chef. I felt bad for him then and I feel bad for him now even while I am reminding myself how easy it is to feel that way.
Being healthy–Weighing Healthy–is not just the food you eat but how good you decide to be about what you have to work with. It is being good inside and out.
As long as that man thinks he cannot find health without a chef, it is likely he won’t.
As long as I sit here pouting because my crisper bins are empty, I am wasting precious energy.
Wasting energy when you have fibromyalgia is madness! Madness I tell ya!
I can be good.
If I can be good even when I know I can be better, then that’s something.
Not everyone realizes just how much the little things lead to big things.
Success is about doing those little things.
Do the little things!