Week 15–Adjusting My Sails

This has been a poopy week.  Yes, literally.  Our plumbing backed up every single drain in the house.  Some drains were even spewing raw sewage.  Gross!

The only day we didn’t have plumbers tearing up the house was Friday and that’s only because they had an emergency call and needed a full day to chip out the tile in the hall bathroom, pull the bathtub, and to repair what we are all sure is a broken pipe.  They’ll be here Monday to do that.  Just shoot me.

I bet you’re wondering why I’m using my weight loss blog to share that with you.

I am so glad you’re wondering because my point is life is going to throw you these moments and you are going to be tempted to let the stress pull you off track.  This week I avoided sinking my plan very well.

I need to tell you a little story to explain how I arrived here without stress eating.

My very first weight loss goal in 2002 was simple, “I want to lose weight gracefully.”Grace

Yep, that’s it.

Graceful weight loss?

Yeah.

I had come from a place where I had lost weight very un-gracefully.  I was exercising up to five hours a day and eating less than 1000 calories a day.  I was reading books about anorexia and was seriously disappointed I lack a strong gag reflex so I cannot induce vomiting.  I was in a terrible space in time and in my own head.

When I decided to finally shed the baby weight of four pregnancies, where for half of them I didn’t even lose the weight of the baby at delivery, I needed to find a better way so I picked “with grace” as my only goal.  About the baby weight, no, I am not exaggerating.  One delivery I left the hospital weighing MORE than when I went in and even had a 9 pound 1/2 ounce, 22 1/2 inch baby.  I also had four c-sections and was told it was normal every single time.

When that last baby was almost seven years old in 2002, I needed grace in the worst way.

Fast forward to last year, my endocrinologist flipped out when I told him they advised me it was normal.  The look of shock and horror in his eyes validated years of knowing something screwy is going on with my body.

I was so grateful in that moment to be treating my body with grace all along.  I cannot imagine the damage I would have done.

As stinky as this week was (and we’ve had more going on than just plumbing issues) I am really proud of myself for not stress eating and arriving with my grace intact.  That is one of the best non-scale victories there is.

But…

Oh you had to know there was a but coming, right?

I did give in on my need to have some illusion of control.  I do not feel bad about it either.

It-doesnt-matter-how-slowly-you-go-so-long-as-you-do-not-stopI made this my year of accountability and one of the things I need to be accountable for is how stuck the scale is and has been for a long time.  Yes, I know the scale isn’t the only measure.  My black cargo pants do not fit and haven’t since the ‘mystery’ 12 pounds.  The tape measure also isn’t moving.

After reading a weight loss success story where the loser used the Lose It website and app, I decided to give it a try.  I really like it.  I’ve been using Fitday.com since 2002 and love it but Lose It is sleeker and divides my day into breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks so it lets me see where the room for improvement actually is.

I also joined a weight loss challenge posted on the Lose It community boards.  It’s the 1/2 pound a week one so it’s not totally out of the realm of possibility BUT I also know this is danger zone for me.  My will and weight loss goals are at direct odds with my body.  So let me stress that I do not have a goal to actually lose 1/2 pound per week.  I meant what I said when I said, “No More Unicorn Chasing,” and I am not abandoning that stance for one second.  I’m new to the Lose It program so I needed a place to ask questions and this group looked safe enough.  I have already promised myself if seeing the success of others becomes a burden I’ll unclick immediately.

Scales Are For FishAnd that leads me to the next Lose It group I joined….drum roll please….

I am giving up my scale for 30 days. 

Someone send me an extra helping of grace please!

I also joined the 30 Days of Logging challenge where the goal is to log every bite for 30 days.  I’ve been slacking here and there and with a general sense of “Why do I even bother.”  That’s such a dangerous thought because I know it matters.  After one day, I already found a couple of places to tighten things up simply because the format is different.

Plus, if some things fall in place just right our lives are in for a major change and it would be so easy, too easy for me to throw in the towel and say, “I’ll be back when things calm down again.”  Honestly, knowing that potential is there is scarier than giving up the scale.  Right now, I need these challenges to keep me on track.  The 30 day format will be enough to keep me holding on through the worst of it.  (I bet you wish you knew what I was hinting at but I’m not telling until it’s a done deal.)

Goal-less and extra accountability, I love it.

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