Week 21–Hummmmmmmm

I’ve been, Hummmmmmmmming a lot this week.

First, I’m still retaining water…really bad, bad enough I should probably go to the doctor but since I already know I don’t do well on diuretics I’m going to hang on just a little longer and see if I can’t resolve the water retention on my own.

Second, I’ve been doing some reading this week.  I’ve stumbled on a couple of really interesting things. They deserve more time than I have to give right now to explain, unfortunately.  I had great intentions of getting this post done earlier today so I could explain in detail but obviously that didn’t work out.  So, I’m going to ask you to trust me.  It’s going to be worth the wait.  I promise I’ll get it done this week.

Third, I failed on my goal to go swimming.  It’s been a whacky, busy month.  I was offered an opportunity to do some freelancing from home and that’s taken a bit of an adjustment.  This is good busy and I am so grateful for the opportunity.  I forgive myself for not following through.  I’ll get there.

Fourth: Here’s some more good things: water’s been GREAT, activity has been excellent, I found some new recipes,

That’s it for this week.

Week 20–It’s All On Me

I had a good week.  I really did.  I did a little work.  I had a bit of fun.

On the surface, I am patting myself on the back.  But the part of me who decided to be accountable has to say, “Whoa, girl not so fast.”

Here’s why:

  • I was in the zone with work and having so much fun that I let myself get dehydrated more than once.
  • I missed at least two days of thyroid medication.
  • When I caught myself forgetting, I did not load up my pill sorter so I wouldn’t forget.
  • I…can’t say “I forgot” because it’s worse when you didn’t think at all to go buy more selenium and Vitamin E supplements which I have found very helpful for my thyroid.  I’m talking it did not enter my purty little head even once.

Add all of that to Chinese food for lunch on Friday and I’m visibly bloated.

Technically the scale says I’m up four pounds but when the water retention is as obvious as it is I know the scale isn’t giving me the true story.

I can’t blame my thyroid or fibromyalgia for any of it either.

I have no excuse.

I blew it.

Fail.

Even now as I’m sitting here looking back I cannot come up with any triggers for any of it.

The bottom line is I did not follow through with all the good things I know I need to do to keep my body humming in the right direction.

No drama.  No trauma.  I can’t even call it being lazy because I was anything but this week.  It wasn’t a case of being too busy either.  If anything, this week was normal.

Honestly, had I not been paying attention I would not have caught on to any of this, this quickly.  Okay, I would have noticed the water retention but I would not have been able to take an objective look at my week to uncover all those reasons why.

I would have thought my body hates me.

Nope.

My body is sending me loving signals that I’m not as on track as I seem to be.

Thank you body.

I’m listening.

Now.

When I know better, I do better. ~ Me

Week 19–When Your Jeans Talk…It Feels So Good

Here’s another quickie check-in.  It’s just after midnight and a late nap still has me awake so I’m doing what I can to dump my brain out before I try to sleep again.

Anyway…After last week’s big loss I was not expecting too much but I still had a good week.  The scale says another 1/3 pound but my jeans say “All in the right places.”

Since 2 May, I’m down 3.5 pounds.

It doesn’t sound like a lot but my jeans tell a different story.

I meant to do my measurements this morning but my husband decided we simply must have a bbq and invite his daughter and son-in-law.  He was thinking 3ish but they had plans and asked if noon would be okay…at 9:45 I took a quick shower and headed off to the store with wet hair because, of course, we didn’t have anything to bbq or all the fixin’s for hubs favorite pasta salad.

I did take a couple of short breaks but I was basically on the move until we sat down to eat at 1:30ish.  Whew!

It was a good time though and the whole house got cleaned so I’m not complaining.  I ran out of time to dust though so that’s on my list for Monday morning.

Toodles until next week.

Week 18–The Payoff

I took yesterday off to celebrate Mother’s Day so I am really going to make this quick because my Monday is waiting.

It is no secret I wish I did not have to spend so much time coaxing my body to behave.  I really do have other things to do.

But…

It pays off when I do.

I lost 2.2 pounds last week.

The only thing I did differently was use my BodyBugg as a guide and then made sure I ate at least 500 calories less each day.

I wasn’t any more active than normal.  I even had a day when I hardly moved at all.

I didn’t eat differently than I usually do.

I might have done a little better on water but honestly since I refuse to track it in my food journal I don’t know for sure.

Note to self:  Try not to have another tantrum about your body’s need for extra attention.  Use what you know…because you do know a lot.  Trust yourself.

Week 17–On Being Accountable

Accountability has two sides.  There’s the side that needs to learn to say, “Hey, I’m doing okay,” and the one that says, “Hey, I’m not okay (and now that I’ve admitted it I need to do something about it).”

After using the Lose It program for two weeks and gaining almost two pounds, I vented on one of the Lose It forums and was attacked.

It hurt.

I cried.

I also quit using that program not because some asshole who doesn’t know two craps about me or my journey decided to put his ignorance on full display but because Lose It did not offer me any way to shield myself from his ignorance.  There’s no blocking feature so as long as I use the program I would remain exposed to this sort of pedantic behavior.  Frankly, this journey is enough of a regular beat down I don’t need some idiot beating me up too because he insists my body *should* conform to the rules.

However, it has become a good example to me of how I no longer need to convince anyone of what this journey has been like.  It took me seconds to decide to change so I did.  If I had stayed, I would have been accountable for allowing that sort of thing to continue.

Gaining two pounds is a gut-punch.  With my body, it can take weeks, and even months, to lose two whole pounds.

It doesn’t help that thanks to those two pounds I will likely have a 0 net weight loss for the past 12 months by the time I reach 5/29/15.  For the first time in almost three years, I am backsliding.

OUCH!

I feel stuck.

I KNOW something happened to my body last fall.  I am not sure what and until I do know I can’t fix it.  I stopped losing weight.  Then I started gaining weight.

My body is all over the place.

Two weeks ago I gained 6/10 pound so I adjusted my calories down another 250 per day and gained another 7/10 pound.  My body fat percentage also went up .1%.

Sadly, this sort of nonsense is nothing new.

And then some jerk off tells me I need to work harder in the most un-nice way he possibly can.

No!

No, sir!

Not when I am already sitting here crying because I do not know what else to do to convince my body it’s okay…

And because I don’t, I am not okay…

And because I am accountable to my body, here’s what I am going to do about it…

Reverse course.

The scale comes back off the closet shelf.  I cannot afford to wait seven whole days to make adjustments.  Right now, I need closer, daily monitoring.

My daily intake target will be at least 500 calories less than my daily calorie output as measured by my BodyBugg.

I do not like this approach.  But, if my body’s going throw a tantrum then I am not being accountable if I just shrug and say, “Maybe next week.”

If the past 12 years has taught me one thing, it is I do not give up.

Oh….I also let myself off the hook for April and my promise to go swimming before the end of the month.  The end of April was ugly.  The calendar flipped so the swimming goal is back but I’m upping the ante.  I will go swimming at least twice in May.