Week 17–On Being Accountable

Accountability has two sides.  There’s the side that needs to learn to say, “Hey, I’m doing okay,” and the one that says, “Hey, I’m not okay (and now that I’ve admitted it I need to do something about it).”

After using the Lose It program for two weeks and gaining almost two pounds, I vented on one of the Lose It forums and was attacked.

It hurt.

I cried.

I also quit using that program not because some asshole who doesn’t know two craps about me or my journey decided to put his ignorance on full display but because Lose It did not offer me any way to shield myself from his ignorance.  There’s no blocking feature so as long as I use the program I would remain exposed to this sort of pedantic behavior.  Frankly, this journey is enough of a regular beat down I don’t need some idiot beating me up too because he insists my body *should* conform to the rules.

However, it has become a good example to me of how I no longer need to convince anyone of what this journey has been like.  It took me seconds to decide to change so I did.  If I had stayed, I would have been accountable for allowing that sort of thing to continue.

Gaining two pounds is a gut-punch.  With my body, it can take weeks, and even months, to lose two whole pounds.

It doesn’t help that thanks to those two pounds I will likely have a 0 net weight loss for the past 12 months by the time I reach 5/29/15.  For the first time in almost three years, I am backsliding.

OUCH!

I feel stuck.

I KNOW something happened to my body last fall.  I am not sure what and until I do know I can’t fix it.  I stopped losing weight.  Then I started gaining weight.

My body is all over the place.

Two weeks ago I gained 6/10 pound so I adjusted my calories down another 250 per day and gained another 7/10 pound.  My body fat percentage also went up .1%.

Sadly, this sort of nonsense is nothing new.

And then some jerk off tells me I need to work harder in the most un-nice way he possibly can.

No!

No, sir!

Not when I am already sitting here crying because I do not know what else to do to convince my body it’s okay…

And because I don’t, I am not okay…

And because I am accountable to my body, here’s what I am going to do about it…

Reverse course.

The scale comes back off the closet shelf.  I cannot afford to wait seven whole days to make adjustments.  Right now, I need closer, daily monitoring.

My daily intake target will be at least 500 calories less than my daily calorie output as measured by my BodyBugg.

I do not like this approach.  But, if my body’s going throw a tantrum then I am not being accountable if I just shrug and say, “Maybe next week.”

If the past 12 years has taught me one thing, it is I do not give up.

Oh….I also let myself off the hook for April and my promise to go swimming before the end of the month.  The end of April was ugly.  The calendar flipped so the swimming goal is back but I’m upping the ante.  I will go swimming at least twice in May.

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