Week 22–In Flux

Well I think I purged all the profanity in my last post.  The next morning I had gained another 8/10 of a pound overnight.  Yeah, really.  Honestly, I spent the rest of the week not looking at the scale.  My body’s throwing a tantrum.  It’s not like this is anything new so I’m going to forgive myself for not only checking the scale at 5 a.m. but doing so on less than three hours of sleep.  Well-rested, I might not have come so easily unhinged.

While I was not bothering to look at the scale, I let myself think.

It is so easy, when my body is gaining weight I did not earn, to feel hopeless.  When the scale feels like a betrayal, it is so easy to miss the other signals my body is sending me.

While I was thinking, I noticed a couple of things.

36 days!!!

36 days!!!

See this re-growth?  This is 36 days worth.  Bodies that are not healthy do not grow hair this fast.  On one hand it’s annoying to have to color again.  My son, who is a cosmetologist said, “Mom, think about it…you must be doing really good things on the inside so stop being upset by it.  Besides, you are in your mid-40s and most women are experiencing thinning by now.”  He grabbed a healthy handful of my hair, “Look…look at this mom…I have clients who would kill for your hair.”  Out of the mouths of babes all grown up.

After he said that, I also looked at my nails.  With hypothyroidism andWP_20150606_003 Hashimoto’s thyroiditis, nails are a luxury.  It is ‘normal’ for us to have weak, thin, and/or brittle nails.  Right now, my nails are still thin but they are also strong and healthy.  They have been for months.

I also noticed my skin is not quite as dry or flaky, my acne is almost non-existent, and my lips are not cracked.  These are all good signs.

Yes, my body is having a tantrum.

Yes, my ankles are swollen.

No, I am not trying to talk myself into thinking I am okay to just let things go as they are.

But, I am trying to be real.

I am not the number on the scale.  It does not measure all of my health.  It does indicate something is wrong however because it is not normal to gain nearly a pound a day.  I have also been through this enough times to know there’s no need for me to be in full-on freak out mode yet.

While I was thinking and noticing, I also did some remembering.

If I am going to be really, really, really, really honest I have stopped doing a few good things.  I always say I do not understand all the keys my body needs.  It is true.  It is also a little bit false too because I know these things help:

  • I know carb cycling works for me.  I also gradually stopped doing it as I noticed some alarming behaviors in the team of professionals I had been following.  I stopped following them and carb cycling went by the wayside in part because I just could not wrap my head around their irresponsible behaviors.  Since I am telling the truth, I also stopped because we hit a huge financial snag and I could not justify the expense.
  • It is also true that what I have been and am doing hasn’t unlocked my weight loss either.  I need to change.
  • My hubs has been cooking more and whether I taste it or not I know he’s using more salt than I ever would.  Tonight’s oven baked steak fries were really salty but tonight I did not finish them just to be nice.  He has no problem not eating something I make that doesn’t agree with him.  I need to be better about saying no.
  • I stopped using coconut oil daily.  I ran out a few months back and just kept forgetting to go to the right store to get it.  I bought some a couple of weeks ago and just barely broke the seal on it a few days ago.
  • I need to resume my focus on pre- and probiotics.  Gut health/not health and Hashimoto’s go hand in hand.  I could take a gallon of thyroid medication but if my guts aren’t healthy I won’t get the medication.
  • I keep letting myself run out of my supplements.  Again this one is tied to financial struggles.  But it’s not like these things are a surprise.  I can do better about making sure I buy them when I can instead of when I am already out.
  • I also stopped thinking any of this really matters.  Maybe individually they do not, maybe even together they do not but maybe believing I can get a handle on any of this does matter.

So here’s where I’m at…drawing a line in the sand again, stepping over it, moving forward accountable and feeling a bit empowered.

Richard Bach Quote

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