Well I think I purged all the profanity in my last post. The next morning I had gained another 8/10 of a pound overnight. Yeah, really. Honestly, I spent the rest of the week not looking at the scale. My body’s throwing a tantrum. It’s not like this is anything new so I’m going to forgive myself for not only checking the scale at 5 a.m. but doing so on less than three hours of sleep. Well-rested, I might not have come so easily unhinged.
While I was not bothering to look at the scale, I let myself think.
It is so easy, when my body is gaining weight I did not earn, to feel hopeless. When the scale feels like a betrayal, it is so easy to miss the other signals my body is sending me.
While I was thinking, I noticed a couple of things.
See this re-growth? This is 36 days worth. Bodies that are not healthy do not grow hair this fast. On one hand it’s annoying to have to color again. My son, who is a cosmetologist said, “Mom, think about it…you must be doing really good things on the inside so stop being upset by it. Besides, you are in your mid-40s and most women are experiencing thinning by now.” He grabbed a healthy handful of my hair, “Look…look at this mom…I have clients who would kill for your hair.” Out of the mouths of babes all grown up.
After he said that, I also looked at my nails. With hypothyroidism and Hashimoto’s thyroiditis, nails are a luxury. It is ‘normal’ for us to have weak, thin, and/or brittle nails. Right now, my nails are still thin but they are also strong and healthy. They have been for months.
I also noticed my skin is not quite as dry or flaky, my acne is almost non-existent, and my lips are not cracked. These are all good signs.
Yes, my body is having a tantrum.
Yes, my ankles are swollen.
No, I am not trying to talk myself into thinking I am okay to just let things go as they are.
But, I am trying to be real.
I am not the number on the scale. It does not measure all of my health. It does indicate something is wrong however because it is not normal to gain nearly a pound a day. I have also been through this enough times to know there’s no need for me to be in full-on freak out mode yet.
While I was thinking and noticing, I also did some remembering.
If I am going to be really, really, really, really honest I have stopped doing a few good things. I always say I do not understand all the keys my body needs. It is true. It is also a little bit false too because I know these things help:
- I know carb cycling works for me. I also gradually stopped doing it as I noticed some alarming behaviors in the team of professionals I had been following. I stopped following them and carb cycling went by the wayside in part because I just could not wrap my head around their irresponsible behaviors. Since I am telling the truth, I also stopped because we hit a huge financial snag and I could not justify the expense.
- It is also true that what I have been and am doing hasn’t unlocked my weight loss either. I need to change.
- My hubs has been cooking more and whether I taste it or not I know he’s using more salt than I ever would. Tonight’s oven baked steak fries were really salty but tonight I did not finish them just to be nice. He has no problem not eating something I make that doesn’t agree with him. I need to be better about saying no.
- I stopped using coconut oil daily. I ran out a few months back and just kept forgetting to go to the right store to get it. I bought some a couple of weeks ago and just barely broke the seal on it a few days ago.
- I need to resume my focus on pre- and probiotics. Gut health/not health and Hashimoto’s go hand in hand. I could take a gallon of thyroid medication but if my guts aren’t healthy I won’t get the medication.
- I keep letting myself run out of my supplements. Again this one is tied to financial struggles. But it’s not like these things are a surprise. I can do better about making sure I buy them when I can instead of when I am already out.
- I also stopped thinking any of this really matters. Maybe individually they do not, maybe even together they do not but maybe believing I can get a handle on any of this does matter.
So here’s where I’m at…drawing a line in the sand again, stepping over it, moving forward accountable and feeling a bit empowered.