Week 23–I Didn’t Gain Anything–Except Anxiety

Having the scale remain stable this week was surely a welcome sight.  I didn’t do, drink, eat, move, think, feel, or even say anything different so I have no ‘aha’ moment to latch on to and chase down.

What I do have is anxiety.

Maybe anxiety burns calories.

Here’s my issue…

It’s been a year since I went to the super spiffy endocrinologist and found the local doctor whose wife has Hashimoto’s which means my thyroid prescription cannot be renewed until I sit in some cold office waiting for my four and half minutes with the doctor (the local one, not the endo), whose going to notice I weigh MORE than I did last year, who’s going to want to blood work me to death, and who’s going to suggest if I need to try a little harder.

*FACEDESK*

What’s he going to say to me that I haven’t already heard, done, tried, or whatever?

When the endo says, “Wow…I have no idea why you’re not losing weight…I usually have to spend a lot of time counseling my patients about changes…I never get to say keep up the good work.”

When you’re doing the “good work” and you actually weigh MORE than you did on this date last year, what the hell is left?

All I can think about is how I’m going to break down in his office and maybe even yell and get hysterical.

I can’t even type it without crying.

He’s going to send me for tests I can’t afford and tell me to do things I’m already doing, have tried and I just can’t bear the thought of hearing how “fine” those tests will end up being—because they’re always fine–and how empty that is going to feel.

If you’ve been reading me at all, or have known me any length of time you know I don’t toss around that “can’t” word.

I can’t handle this.

C-A-N-‘-T!!!!!!!!!!

Not now.

Now, I need answers and hope.

Please, don’t sit there thinking, “Maybe this time he’ll have something new to try.”

Kiddos I’m on 180mgs of Armour Thyroid daily, I’ve also tried the levo/Cytomel cocktail, and straight levothyroxine.  When it comes to regulating whatever mechanism signals “burn fat,” I might as well be eating Tic Tacs.  I do, however, feel better with my current dose.

I am already gluten-free, and mostly dairy free (only cultured dairy).

I exercise daily.

I already take the thyroid-supporting supplements as well as focus on food sources of those nutrients.

I limit sugar and focus on whole, clean food–and actually prefer it to junk.

And I do know all of the above are helping because my hair is thick, my nails grow, my skin is not sloughing off at an extreme rate (just normal dry, desert skin) and my acne is virtually non-existent.

I also do not catch every germ that floats by so I am fairly confident my immune system is strong.

So what the holy hell is wrong?????????????????????????

Oh wait….I’ve been saying that for how long now…TWELVE YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!

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