Week 37–Does This Feel Right?

Late again…but with good reason.  I battle a migraine that started on Friday afternoon and spent most of the day in bed yesterday trying to beat it back down.  It was a good move because I woke up this morning feeling much, much, much better.  Whew.

Chronic crap sucks.

So how did I do last week?  All pains considered I did okay.

I have to confess I am really struggling to find my bearings after our move.  Trying to carve out my own office space in our tiny house has been a challenge.  My desk has been moved four times, for example.  Interestingly enough something finally clicked when I happened upon this quote from Virginia Woolf:

“A woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction.”

You see I had been feeling a little silly about finding my ‘right’ spot to write.  Last week I figured out how previous spaces left me feeling uncomfortable to the point it effected my writerly process.

But, that’s nuts, right?

I had been battling the feelings of needing rightness to be writing.

Then I watched an excellent documentary on Ushio and Noriko Shinohura called “Cutie and the Boxer”.  They are both artists.  But Noriko struggled to find and claim her place. The part of the documentary which focused on her really stressed her journey to find her voice.  She said these words by Virginia Woolf helped her realize how much their ‘starving artist’ struggles were effecting her.  She also realized that she was not claiming her space.  Everything clicked.

No.  It is not silly to need my space to be MY SPACE.

I have never been a cubicle person but as a writer I like my space to be small and cubicle-like.  I have been trying to explain to my hubs how I can write through distraction but not interruption.  For him, they are the same.  For me, they are miles apart.  For whatever reason, I need my writing cave which is has a much better ring to it than cubicle (what a horrid word).  In our tiny house, I do not have a room of my own but that does not change the fact I need to claim my space.

Now what does any of that have to do with my weight loss journey?

Practically everything.

Improving health is all about claiming health.

Every decision–food, fitness–is a lot like finding the right space to write.

You have to keep moving things around until you get it right.  You have to be willing to try.  You have to be willing to fail.  You have to find the gumption to keep trying through strings of failures.

It is asking yourself, “Does this feel right?” and then accepting the answer.

Here’s what hasn’t felt right:

I’m waiting hours to eat after I wake up.  I do have to take my thyroid medication and wait an hour before I can eat.  That is the rule I have to live by.  However, the reality has been I am not eating for four or five hours.  Which leads to…

I have typically been eating two meals and one snack a day.  My normal is six mini meals or three meals and two small snacks.  They help me keep my body fueled and I have so many opportunities to sneak extra fruits and veggies into my day.  I have been a crank-monster and I know being hangry is a good bit of the reason.

I could be doing a better job about sticking to my bedtime.  Yes, I am 45-years old and I have a bedtime.  It is vital to my health.  I don’t love it, honestly.  I would love to be a free spirit who floats through life sleeping and waking whenever but my health just won’t tolerate it.  If I am not asleep by 11 p.m. I am stealing joy from my waking hours.  I don’t have to love it but I do need to respect it.

Liquids.  Oy!  Now that the weather is cooling down the urge to drink is not as strong.  I go through this every year.  I need to do a better job of making sure I am drinking.

The bottom line is when all these things are off I have little chance for a happy, healthy, productive life.  Having that life is the ultimate goal so I need to take all the baby steps to get there.  It helps me feel right….to respect my writing cave…and my body.

Used without permission from the source.

Used without permission from the source.  I like this but it’s not quite me.  I think I need to create my own cave rules.

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