Week 44–It Is Okay To Not Be Okay

It really is.

I have lived presumably half of my life, or there about, and I am finally okay admitting this publicly I am considerably un-okay.

I can also admit to being entirely over my head, overwhelmed, over, over, over, over, over, over.

Being over is also okay.

Fortunately for me, over and un-okay rarely arrive at the same time so it also means I am depleted and wondering where just one tiny straw is for me to grasp.

Between NaNoWriMo and three other large-scale projects I am working on that would be enough for any one month but then there’s the medium-sized renovation we are getting ready for and a major holiday to work around too.

That’s just the big stuff, folks!

So what did I do today.

I went to breakfast with my hubs–much-needed time together–and I painted.

Yes, painted.

I don’t know who the lulu head was who decided to put the back door directly across the hall from bathroom door and on top of that use an exterior door with a small, odd window but he obviously wasn’t thinking.  Small children and dogs do not understand bathroom privacy.  Every time my doggies are convinced we are lost and never coming back out again they have to open the door.  Every time they open the door, we are potentially flashing the neighbors while we are taking care of business.

The window is too small for a curtain.

My first instinct was to use a printed window film product.  However the 6 inch by 24 inch (or so) window did not warrant buying the expensive roll of printed film so I decided to get creative.

Pinterest to the rescue!!!!!!

Holy crap…faux stained glass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why didn’t I think of that before???????

I mean, that has ME written all over it.

Then I looked up the price of paint.

$2.99 per bottle plus an hour round trip to the craft store…uhh, no.

What could I substitute for glass paint?

NAIL POLISH!!!!!

As a nail polish hoarder, I have plenty of nail polish.

I tested it and it totally worked so I cleaned the window off again and I painted.

It took me less than a whole football game.  I didn’t time myself but the Green Bay vs. Carolina game was well under way when I started and I was finished before the Packers went down in a screaming ball of flames.

In those however-many-minutes there was the exact therapy I needed.

Color rarely fails me.

Before

Before

After...I may decide to add faux leading but I haven't decided.

After…I may decide to add faux leading but I haven’t decided.

Now, what does creativity have to do with weight loss?

Surprisingly, a lot.

Until I reached Wednesday, I had forgotten about my goal to get back on track with Carb Cycling.  I’m talking had not given it even a tiny thought.  I hadn’t made to the gym.  Breakfast wasn’t happening until 11 a.m. or later.  I had little desire to drink so I drank little.  Of course, the scale is not going to move if I am not even coming close to doing the things I need to do to make it wiggle down.

This week was a huge fail.  And, it is okay.

Thursday and Friday were worse so I have spent the week trying to reconnect with myself, my husband, and my home.

Saying I was off is an understatement…so why did I ‘waste’ time today painting a window?

Think about the last time you felt ‘off’.

What sort of choices did you make?  Did you go workout?  Did you dive into your favorite snack?  Did you sleep too much?  Or not enough?  You see where I am going, right?

Honey, if you’re buggin’….You are not going to lose weight or at least as effectively as you would if you had your head on straight.

Painting that window did not change a thing.  It did improve privacy.  It did take care of something that has been bothering me but in the grand scheme of things I didn’t really solve anything.

It did help me silence the clutter in my head.  It gave me something to focus on other than all the things I need to do in the next few weeks.  It helped me relax.

Tonight, for the first Sunday in weeks…months…I feel almost ready for Monday.  I only say almost because I still have a giant pile of things to do and a smallish pile of pain so I am concerned about not winding the crazy up again.

I am reminded of one of my favorite sayings:

I don’t know if I can but I know I can try.

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2 thoughts on “Week 44–It Is Okay To Not Be Okay

  1. It still continues to amaze me how similar our paths become at times. I have been struggling mightily with the over over over over overwhelming feelings of totally changing my life and now having Nano on top. I am at a point where it’s okay. I’m okay, even when I’m not. It helped me to read your words to put things in better perspective. I made a cheesecake today, took a nap, reclaimed my life a little, and wrote maybe 30 words. It’s okay. Thank you for making me remember that….love you!

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