Un-Goals

On 7 January I started my, My Fitness Pal, account.  I had been faithfully using Fitday for over a decade but it had become a reminder of all the failing-to-lose past I knew I needed to break from it and start fresh.

On that presumably blustery day in January, I put in a goal weight even though I am NOT interested in being any one number on the scale. Ever.

But, it’s a number. It’s something to shoot for and something to mark my progress against. And, today I am so glad I did I let myself believe, if just for a moment, that number would be possible.

Because…

Today when I logged this morning’s scale wiggle in My Fitness Pal, it told gave me a celebratory message to announce I have made 51-percent of the progress toward that goal-but-not weight.

I’m just shy of my 3-month appointment.

Okay, let me pause and let that sink all the way in.

Blinking hard.

Disbelief.

Shock.

Surprise.

Amazement.

Wet-eyed smile.

Never. In. A. Million. Years….Did I think I could get to this point this fast.

Honestly, even sitting in my surgeon’s office four months ago I did not really believe having weight loss surgery was going to work.

I didn’t believe it.  But, I knew I had to try.

I am so grateful I found the courage and the oomph to try as hard as I have with everything else I have tried.

(In case you’re a new reader…I’m really only interested in having a healthy body fat percentage and for women my age it’s between 10-32 percent.  But scales are readily available in doctors’ offices so I have to at least be friends with the number they show me.)

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Time. Real Change Takes Time

11 Days…It took ELEVEN DAYS for my body to get back on track after discontinuing the lunch meat for my body to say, “Okay, we can lose again now.”

First, I’m thrilled!!! I knew things would start moving again simply because they had been going so well. In some ways, these 2.2 pounds feel better than the some of the 40 I’ve already lost because they’re the first I really had to work for.

Second, my the big point I want to make is even when you identify things that might be slowing your progress and you make the necessary positive changes you have to be extra diligent and patient while your body is healing from the ‘damage’ you have done. It all happens so innocently enough too. For me, it was lunch meat.

If you’re struggling there IS a reason and it’s a whole heap of work to figure it out.

Do it.

Don’t quit.

In my case, it’s been a lot of reasons over the course of 14 years. But I haven’t given up.

Not that I’m a fan of the BMI chart but I’m also under 40 for the first time in I don’t even know how long.

Of course I also owe my amazing nutritionist a huge thank you!  She is literally changing my life!  Yes, I know I’m doing the work but to not be fumbling around in the dark trying to figure it out on my own IS life changing.

So many people interested in weight loss surgery focus on the surgeon and having a good surgeon is important but if the rest of the practice especially the nutritionist is not fully invested in your success you could end up with a less than stellar experience.  Your nutritionist should be your lifeline as you learn to navigate the post-op world.  It is her or his job to help you through those stuck moments.

Are you reaching out?

Are you listening and responding to your body?

My surgeon created the tool that is a vertical sleeve gastrectomy.

My nutritionist is the one schooling me in the fine art of using it to my best advantage and helping me take my complete medical history into consideration as I make food choices.

Knowing the difference is success like I have never known it.

Weight loss surgery was THE BEST DECISION I have ever made for my health.

Ever.

Hands down.

Even before the scale moved, yesterday was my best, healthiest feeling day in two weeks.

Yesterday, I hoped the scale would move but I was also sure it was going to move. And, I have to admit it caused me to pause. I have never felt this much confidence in my body’s ability to lose weight in my entire life.

I’m so glad the scale is catching up to the work I’ve been putting in.

I cannot fully express how amazing it feels.

The changing numbers are awesome but to being doing the work AND getting results was elusive, at best, before surgery.  Now, I have confidence.

Amazing!

 

How Much Does A Day Matter?

Since my last post, I’ve been working with my nutritionist to figure out why my weight loss was slowing/stopping. I am extremely diligent so there should be no excuse. But when the scale’s been taunting me it’s been rough.
 
Thankfully, instead of holding on to all that past pile of failure I reached out to my nutritionist. Thankfully, we’ve also had enough interaction for her to have confidence in me. We’re even partnering on a project so I can find confidence knowing she wouldn’t consider it if she thought I didn’t know my stuff, nutritionally speaking.
 
We found the cause. It took us exactly three emails over the course of half a day.
BOOM…Just like that there was the sneaky little culprit.  The one thing that looks good, that even follows her nutritional guidelines but also happens to a stop sign for my body.
This ‘never in a million years’ thing has been screwing with my head.  I’ve been dancing to this tune for over a decade. Things go great and then something happens. Worse when I’ve tried to explain it to doctors they just end up thinking I’m a liar or crazy or both.
 
But you know what…I have kept fighting.
I won’t quit on my body.  I won’t rest on the laurels of past progress when today’s is non-existent.  No matter what my body has thrown at me I keep trying to hit back. I have kept fighting to figure it out.
 
This time I let go of the worry and I let myself have confidence in my relationship with my nutritionist. I also let myself have confidence in my sleeve’s ability to do great work. Things are different now. Not only do I have a sleeve but I have a whole new relationship with my body.  A sleeve gastrectomy is the right tool for my body.  I have absolute confidence in that so when my weight loss slowed/stopped I knew it was something I changed.  
 
So what was the “it” creating all the problems?
 
Lunch meat.
 
Specifically, the preservatives in the lunch meat.
 
It’s the only new, non-natural food I’ve added to my diet. It’s getting hot here so it’s been nice to have an easy, cold protein on hand. And it’s just lunch meat and protein so it’s good, right? Maybe for some people but not for MY body.
 
It’s only been since Saturday since we figured it out so it’s going to take my guts a little bit to get back on track.
In addition to no longer ingesting those chemicals, we’re changing my probiotic and adding some other supplements to improve my digestion and gut function.  If my guts are this sensitive then I still have some gut healing to do.
Healthy guts are the key to healthy body.
Fat loss is ultimately a gut and digestive function.  From your saliva to your liver to the very microbes living in your intestines the metabolic changes which produce fat loss happen only when your digestion and gut function is healthy.

If you’re not losing weight, something is off.  Period.

If you’re doing the work but the results are not appropriate for the effort your are exerting, something is off.  Period.

You are NOT being too hard on yourself so do not let anyone get inside your head and make you feeling back for your ‘gut instinct’ that something is not working quite right.  That gut instinct should be a clue.  Guts are brilliant!  They tell you things about your health all the time.
 
So I lost a whole week BUT I didn’t stop trying.

I didn’t even stop when people told me to “chill” or to not be so “hard” on myself because I could feel ‘a change’ in my body but I couldn’t put my finger on what it was or how to fix it.

 
Back to only eating food I cook myself.

It’s a pain in the ass when life is busy or I’m tired but it matters to my progress so….FORWARD I GO!!!

If you are struggling, it can be something as little as lunch meat which is setting up that struggle.
You’re not crazy, I promise, but your guts are talking to you so I’m going to promise you if you listen you won’t have to struggle so much.
Healthy Habits Quote

The Day Matters

I can’t help it but it does.  As much as I have gone to decent lengths to not put too much stock in celebrating milestone days for whatever reason the day does matter.  At least right now it does.  Maybe in time I’ll barely bat an eyelash.  Hopefully.

Yesterday 10 May was the second month anniversary of the day I came home from the hospital.  I’m already adamant about not celebrating ‘surgiversary’ or ‘sleeveversary’ days because that puts all the power in the skill of the surgeon.  I also gained almost seven pounds in the hospital.

For me, the day I recognize is my first full day home from the hospital.  You know the day when asking for artificially sweetened, and flavored zero calorie gelatin food-like substance is not me “not sticking to my diet” as one of my nurses put it.  I’m still rolling my eyes over that one.  My throat hurt dammit.  Don’t start my journey telling me zero calorie not-fit-for-human-consumption foodstuff is me falling off the plan.  Okay, rant over.  The day I came home from the hospital there was no nanny telling me what I could and couldn’t do.  All decisions were mine to make and mine to own.  That’s the day of power.  One of the first, was to never resort to giggly zero calorie chemicals in a cup.  In truth, I made that decision long ago.

Anyway…

Let me just say the above rant is indicative of how my yesterday went.  Minus a smattering of swear words.

My body was not cooperating with the ‘celebration’ of the day.  Ten days ago I was so close to losing 40 pounds in two months it was, in the context of weight loss surgery, a slam dunk.

And then…

Last week blew up in my face…in all the best ways.

One of our home businesses has quadrupled in the last 45 days but last week was particularly busy.  I was all over the map, literally.  I personally drove over 400 miles and was a passenger for at least half as many.  And, I stuck to my plan thank you very much.

But, I didn’t hit the 40 pounds lost mark yesterday.

Hold up…If I was sticking to my plan, why didn’t the weight come off?

Well since you asked…

All three major veins in my left leg were damaged by an injury-induced blood clot in 2009.  Excessive sitting, especially driving, allows fluid to pool in my tissues which cranks the scale up.  To help dispatch the fluid my job is to move and take a prescription water pill.

Except…

When your life is that busy taking a pill that makes you pee three times in one hour is not exactly possible.  So I didn’t take it.

I worked hard.

I ate the right things.

I avoided the wrong things.

Hell, I even drank my water and wore my stupid compression socks.

And, I didn’t lose an ounce.

In fact, I think the highest my water gain climbed was 5.25 pounds.

Because of the fluid issue, I do weigh every day but I do not record the numbers.  It can be a mental minefield.  However, I do know it’s also the best thing for my body, my health.  Taking on too much water can be life-threatening.

Once all these very wonderful business moments settled down, I did take the pill.  Unfortunately, there wasn’t enough to time to eliminate all the water by yesterday morning.

So I missed the 40 pound mark by three miserable tenths of a pound, or a small fast food burger including the bun and condiments.

So I was a little grumpy yesterday…

No, I was a ranting, raving, almost screaming woman who did not pause to breathe for at least 30 minutes explaining all this to my very saintly, patient hubs.

And do you know what he said?

“Do you know what I’m not hearing….All the positives.”

Do you know if I didn’t think it would hurt so much I probably would have jumped out of our moving truck and walked back home?

Positives.  When I’m pissed off?  NOT HELPING ME AT ALL DUDE.

Of course, that’s a lie.

He was helping me.  I just didn’t want to hear it in that moment.  There’s a difference.

The truth is there’s nothing he could have said yesterday to soothe me.

I learned the day does matter to me.

I want to be able to set goals.  Meet them.  And celebrate.

It’s also only been two months so I’m not supposed to have everything figured out.  I’m supposed to be having moments where things aren’t working.  It’s part of the process.

So after we took care of business for the day which, by the way included me scoring another vendor contract with a local store, I came home and took the damned water pills.

As of this morning, I moved on to 40.5 pounds lost…in two months and one day.  I cannot say today feels so good as to erase yesterday but it does feel good.

A day matters.

The day matters.

So does finding balance and moving on…

And She Slows Down Long Enough To…

Tell you…

IT DID HAPPEN!!!

The morning of my nutrition class, 3 May 16, I hit…

228.4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Uh, huh.

Oh yeah.

Can I get a woot, woot?

Happy Dance.

However…

Traveling to Las Vegas on the third set off a firestorm of busy.

My hubs business took another leap forward, with my amazing help, and we’ve been scrambling to put our ducks in the proper, proverbial row.

Hubs is locked up tight at his weekend job so I’m going shoe shopping.

I wore my black loafers with the denim skirt I wore on our first date.  I am about falling out of them both.  Oh and I’m wearing my black knee high compression socks.  Yeah.  With a skirt.

I must say it’s not a look I would not have pulled for myself but I have happen to become fond of it.  The mini-ish skirt, the knee highs, and the loafers just work with my lower half.  I guess maybe I have to admit the compression socks are mostly responsible for pushing me to it.

Could it be I actually have to admit I like them?

“Umm, No.”

*Laughing Hysterically*

But, my daughter also agreed it’s a look that just works for me so maybe, just maybe, I do need to stop being such a snot about the ‘evil’ stockings and appreciate their place in my life.

Although, one of my goals is to no longer need them.  Ever.  Again.

Socks and compression aside we found a rockin’ and totally me pair of Adidas at Ross.

IMG_20160507_101425[1]

Shoe shopping aside…

It’s been a long busy week of being outside of my routine which means I haven’t been as on top of taking my water pill as I ‘should’ be.  Sigh.  Of course, this means the scale is inching up and I need to take the day to stick close to home.  And, that ‘should’ word is dogging me again.

Should is an asshole who is only there to bring me down.  As much as I know that I’ll be damned if I didn’t start ‘should-ing’ myself into feeling bad about how the week played out.

No.

Stop.

This has been a GREAT week.

Busy, yes.

But part of figuring out my new life is learning how to make everything work.  Because sometimes it is road trips, unexpected blessings which bring bigger To Do lists, and on the extra special weeks it is also polka dotted sneakers.

It’s about learning when to say ‘YES’ and when to say ‘I need to do this for me (even though I have other things I ‘should’ be doing’), it’s wearing compression socks, taking water pills, and holding still enough to eat slowly, finding time to write, using a timer to remember to drink and having snuggle time with my doggies.

I found a way to have it all this week.

Feels good!

 

 

 

Holy Amazeballs!!!

It’s going to happen tomorrow! TOMORROW I’M GOING TO BE IN THE 220s. 230.1 just 10 minutes ago.

2007…2007 was the last time I was there. Without telling you a really long depressing story (who wants that at 5:50 a.m.), I was 221.6 on 11/13/2007 and even typing this out I’m blinking really hard in amazement that there are only 8.5 pounds between me and that number again. I’ve been fighting for it ever since I lost it because getting there in the first place was a huge battle.

That makes 4.6 so far this week!!!!!!!!!!!!

Part of that battle I was talking about was me not even losing that much in six months of doing everything I could do, counting everything I could count, sweating everything I could sweat. I’m so grateful for the journey because I learned so much. But, I’m even more grateful I’m finally reaping some rewards.

220s…Yeah, that’s happening!!!!!!!!

PS…I really hate the word ‘amazeballs’ but I cannot deny it’s the word I’m feeling this morning.  The writer in me will cringe later…and I’ll tell her to shut up 🙂

UPDATE…It didn’t happen this morning.  And, it’s all my fault.  I didn’t realize before I showered yesterday afternoon that I was out of clean compression socks.  Hubs already had the washer going so I didn’t even bother to sort my laundry….and ENDED UP FORGETTING until the moment I crawled in bed.  No compression means I’m taking on water like the Titanic.  I’m up 7/10 of a pound.  I was super good yesterday so I know it’s just water and this isn’t the first time this has happened.  I thought about crawling out of bed to get the used pair on the top of the hamper but I decided that was yucky.  It’s not yucky now…it’s frustrating, annoying, and really disappointing.  And, I chose it so I gotta own it.

Note to self: Always choose used compression socks over no compression socks when you’re actually expecting to weigh less the next morning than you did the morning before.