Each week I look back on, at least, last week’s post. Part of this journey is helping myself realize the progression of accountability and how it ebbs and flows like the tides.
The tide comes in.
The tide goes out.
It’s not like the sea is throwing giant rocks in its way nor does the tide need to stop and figure out how to get around them to complete its mission. The tide just rolls.
Personal accountability is far messier. It certainly does not follow a schedule so precise you could set your watch to it.
Yet, the more we cultivate the ability to ‘just roll’ with whatever comes our way the more secure and successful we become.
Sometimes, after a week like I had last week the very best thing we can do is stop. Breathe. And then, regroup.
So how did I do?
Pretty well…because I allowed myself to stop. I let myself feel overwhelmed. I let myself make a plan to not feel that way and then I followed it.
Monday: I went back to the gym. While I was there, the trainer on duty asked me if I wanted to be a part of the owner’s pilot project for her DVD series. Umm, yes. It is an eight-week commitment along with consenting to be filmed and have our image used.
Tuesday: Was recovering from Monday and sticking to my eating plan.
Wednesday: Since I had already worked out on Monday, my personal trainer did my fitness assessment. Honestly, it’s a whole lot of individual exercises I would not dream of doing at this point in my journey. I’m talking things burpees and 90-degree squats here people. I could have stopped and said, “Umm, no” and rattled off a list of 100 or more reasons why I couldn’t, shouldn’t, and wouldn’t do some or all of them.
Instead, I said, “YES” (okay maybe I wasn’t quite that emphatic). I had to have modifications on every single exercise. The object is to do many as you can in one minute. So not only do I have to get over the mental hump of needing ‘special treatment’ I need to deal with the fact that I don’t need one whole hand to count off the number of reps I could do. This could have been a really ugly moment for me.
When we arrived at sit-ups, I even said, “I’m not supposed to be thinking about how I used to be able to do 68 of these, right?” “Right,” she said. I did four. F-O-U-R. Four extremely modified sit-ups.
In that moment, I have never been more grateful to be on this journey. I could have stressed and obsessed over the number four. Instead, I let myself feel really awesome about not only doing mountain climbers for the first time in my life but learning I actually like them. I also did more of them than anything else.
I realized rather quickly and with very little effort on my part that if I focus on liking and even learning to love mountain climbers my core is going to get stronger, and stronger, and stronger so when we re-evaluate my fitness assessment at the end of the challenge in January I will be able to do more sit-ups.
What would I get if I focused on sit-ups? A lot of sadness, frustration, anger and stuck with my head firmly up the past’s ass. It may even be enough to make me quit.
Thursday: I went to Las Vegas for a doctor’s appointment. One of the tests they had me do is a lung function test. You know the one where they have you take a deep breathe and blow into a tube which is connected to a machine which interprets the force of your exhale.
My abs are barely 24 hours into their recovery so deep breaths and long, slow but forceful exhales are not exactly on their ‘To Do’ list. Then I was laughing so hard at not being able to breathe that I still couldn’t do the stupid test. If you’re good, you only need to blow three times. If not, you have to blow 10 times and the machine averages the results. Apparently, I have the lungs of a 60 year old. Whatever. It’s just a number. It’s just a number on the wrong day. Next.
Note to self: Make sure you do not do a fitness assessment the day before being confined in a car for most of the next day. Ouchies on top of ouchies.
Friday: My much-anticipated day off. I had planned to ignore the world and write. What I did was spend way too much time talking to my husband and just enough writing that it didn’t make me feel like a total failure.
It was also the first night of filming. I was really proud of myself. I stuck it out for two of the three rounds of the circuit and stretched out while I stayed to watch the last round.
Saturday: The usual. Cleaning and writing and not enough of either and totally forgetting I had decided to stay on the carb cycling track. Oopsie
Sunday: I am here to re-group. I still have writing to catch up on and as soon as my hubs leaves for the hills I’m sliding the furniture around. One of the benefits of still having the subfloor exposed is heavy furniture glides like butter in a hot skillet.
I am also here to say I have gained four pounds. Four. What is it with this number!!!!
I am hoping it is just extra glycogen in my muscles as they process the extra stress I am putting them through. Or extra salt from eating out on Thursday. Or hormones. Or pretty much anything other than the possibility that my thyroid is sending me on another roller coaster ride.
But like the tides here I am again splaying it out and willing keep trying to get it right.