Yeah, yeah, yeah…I haven’t been here in a while. I should be smacked. Seriously.
I do have some good reasons–the biggest one is my life took a dramatic change (mostly for the better) and my time has been compromised. This blog and all other writing and editing kept falling farther from the top of my list each day as I was learning to reorganize my time. In reality the changes have taken a bit of adjusting to. The truth is that adjustment period was over a couple of weeks ago.
I think most writers will tell you that any writing stoppage, no matter how legitimate the reason, becomes this battle of wills to get started again. Maybe to you non-writers that sounds like a giant bunch of BS and honestly maybe there is some, especially these past 10 or so days when the urge to write has been strong. But that’s just 10 days.
I am here now and that is what counts. Right?
So 11 more check-ins and 10 more videos to go. I got this.
My weight-loss-aversary is in three days and I’ll have some new photos to share next weekend.
In the meantime, I am struggling through a thyroid medication change now. My weight loss came to a screeching halt and I am frustrated.
So not how I anticipated the last days of this challenge and year to pass.
In keeping with my personal goal of being honest with myself, the truth is I’m massively bummed to be stuck right now. That 365th day is going to pass no matter what I do but I would be a total liar if I didn’t admit my disappointment it’s going out on a whimper.
However, my twelve years of weight loss experience has me well-versed in being a loser–not so much of weight–but of goals and deadlines.
I know, I know it’s all self-imposed. But if you know me at all you know I love blowing past my goals and deadlines.
This just feels…blah….and I am trying to shake it off. It’s not like I haven’t felt hostage to my body most of my life. I admit I am pouting. I have even considered the possibility I sabotaged myself. I would be a fool not to at least wonder.
However, I keep going back to being in the exam room with Mr. Big Shot endocrinologist and hearing him tell me my thyroid is destroyed and that the chronic elevation of Reverse T3 is wreaking havoc on my entire body including my muscles, heart, and brain. It’s scary sh*t! So the reality I need to deal with is despite any weight loss success I have had over the past year, my levels needed changed and changing thyroid medication is never a one-and-done proposition. For example, it took my osteopath and I eight months to bring my TSH from 134 to 5.86 and that is about a normal length of time. I am trying to be very patient with the process but honestly when the medication change slammed on the weight loss brakes I really just wanted to jump up and down and scream.
Yes, I know logically and rationally it is more important to correct my RT3 level than to lose weight. My head knows it probably better than anyone except my doctor. But my heart, she dreams big dreams.
Besides, I am rarely accused of being logical or rational.
I want it all…NOW…damnit.
The only antidote I have is trying to stay present. Today is Reward Day and tomorrow I start a new week with carb cycling. Today I am wearing a skirt that was a bit too snug and a shirt I did not even own a year ago. Today, I am on my third attempt at gluten-free bread when a year ago I was not convinced “gluten intolerance” was a real thing. Today I am lighter and more healthy and active than I was a year ago.
Today I am also still frustrated by my slow weight loss…oops I kinda fell off the positive train didn’t I?
But this is real.
I can talk myself up for hours and BOOM knock myself right back down again.
And….I forgot to do my measurements this morning *facedesk*
It’s not pretty but this is where I am at right now.